Is He “The One” or Is He Just Not Aggressively Toxic?
by Laurie Riihimaki
Let’s be real – it’s a challenge to tell if the guy you’ve been fucking on a regular basis is really your Prince Charming or if he’s just an average person in a world full of toxic narcissistic assholes. Like, how are you supposed to tell if you’re truly over-the-moon for someone when all you’ve been exposed to are exes like Steve who steal your credit card and scream profanities at your little sister?
Being young and in love can be confusing. And, when you start dating someone who actually treats you with respect, it can become overwhelming. Seriously, how are you supposed to react to him opening the door and actually putting the seat down after he takes a leak? These polite acts can make you feel like everything you’ve ever known is crashing down all around you. But, don’t lose hope!
I’m here to explain these respectful acts that you’ve probably never been exposed to. This will help you to determine if you’re ready to walk down the aisle, or if you just like to be treated like a human rather than a bank account with tits.
He Doesn’t Make A Scene in Front of People
So, with all of your exes you’ve probably experienced the whole “making a scene” thing. Yeah, this is a classic sign of a narcissist! Their outbursts are much like the tantrum of a two-year-old being denied a cookie before dinner. And, they love to do them in front of people to make you feel guilty and at fault.
This embarrassing act, however, is not performed by mature adults, who always think of themselves and their partner as a team. So, if your BF respects you and keeps quiet about your disagreements in public, then he definitely understands what it means to be a true partner.
But, does this mean he’s the one? Or, does it just mean he knows party etiquette? This is something you will have to stack against the other factors in your relationship.
He Is Polite
Now that you’re dating your new beau, you understand that it’s completely normal for your parents to actually like the person you are seeing. This is a complete shocker, since you thought it was your parents being unreasonably hard to please this whole time.
But, just because your man doesn’t insult your mother’s cooking and chooses to open the door for you now and again, doesn’t mean he is your one and only. These polite little gestures could also be helping to disguise his toxic nature. So, be careful not to be fooled by his charming smile and frequent compliments on your attire.
He Listens To You
This is a biggie. If you’re guy actually listens to what you have to say, he is a rare find. And, you’re probably not going to find any better, so you might as well call the wedding venue now to secure your spot for the Spring.
A man who listens, understands, and responds to your chitter-chatter about work, your social life, and your dull day-to-day stories such as how an old man cut in front of you at Starbucks is priceless. Finding a man who lets you do talk without shame is definitely worth marrying. What more could you ask for?
He Makes You Cum
Wow, a guy who actually cares about your pleasure too? Girl, you hit the jackpot.
If your new man is willing and eager to make sure sex is pleasurable for you every time rather than pulling in and out five times during missionary before cumming in your belly button, then you’ve definitely got it made.
It might not be love, but at least if you hitch up with this one, you can give your vibrator a break.
He Is Independent
It’s so hard to find a man who isn’t a complete Momma’s boy and expects you to baby him. So, when you find that new treasure who doesn’t ask to borrow money or expect you to cook for him every night, it might feel like love.
But, really, this is just called adulting… If a man can cook himself a meal, pay his bills, and move forward in his career, then he’s definitely worth keeping around. However, this does not mean it’s true love in the making.
It just means you’ve gone from dating boys to dating men.