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Apple Just Banned ‘Hookup Apps’ From The App Store

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Image: Adult Friend Finder app

Today was the first day of something called WWDC, which is an enormous deal to brainwashed Apple fanboi types, but the Apple Worldwide Developers Conference doesn’t mean much to regular everyday people. But something that happened at the conference today could have an enormous impact on your lonely Friday nights or life in general. According to the Apple-focused site 9to5Mac, Apple just banned hookup apps from the App Store.

Okay, would Apple engineers even realize what a hookup app is? Let’s take a look what they think a hookup app is. According to the newly updated App Store rules, “1.1.4 Overtly sexual or pornographic material, defined by Webster’s Dictionary as ‘explicit descriptions or displays of sexual organs or activities intended to stimulate erotic rather than aesthetic or emotional feelings.’ This includes ‘hookup’ apps that may include pornography or be used to facilitate prostitution.”

That sounds very vaguely worded! The words “may include pornography or be used to facilitate prostitution” could technically be applied just about any app, from Tinder to Grindr to Facebook Messenger.

It’s unclear when these new rules take effect, or whether they will only apply to the new iOS 15 operating system that was announced today. As of press time, we could still find Tinder and Grindr, in the App Store, as well other very intriguing sounding apps called 3Fun, Kinkoo, Hookup & Anonymous Chat, and others that we are definitely going to download before Apple bans them.

And honestly, whomst among us has never hooked up? This all just seems like more puritanical anti-sex work horseshit, disguised as “fighting trafficking,” not unlike 2018’s FOSTA-SESTA bill. It is almost certainly going to inhibit sex worker justice, and will serve as another example of how eliminating sex worker rights will actually eliminate everyone’s rights.

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Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura is a two-bit marketing writer who excels at the homoerotic double-entendre. He is training to run a full marathon completely drunk and high, and his work has appeared in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal on days when their editors made particularly curious decisions.

1 Comment

  1. Cadence
    June 9, 2021 at 9:37 am — Reply

    Oh Hook up app… Most of them are owned by Match(dot)com
    I can’t help but get the feeling that they are there just to data mine.
    Like someone said I found an old friend I haven’t seen in 10 years, that’s about all that’s happened. Why don’t we get back to being real, going to places to meet people, and talk to each other about things that matter. The funny thing is I’ve met more interesting people in person that I did on those apps. App based people were just too complicated, they couldn’t figure out how to pick up the phone and make plans, or even do things spontaneously.

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