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Why You Should Not Buy The iPhone 12

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Image: Apple.com

There is a new iPhone going on sale Friday, for no better reason than it is autumn, and Apple puts out a new iPhone every autumn. Of course, this means your current iPhone will probably start slowing down this week. But people, you should not buy the new iPhone 12 just because there is a new iPhone 12.

Oh, I’m sure you’ll just die without that 5G coverage that most of the country doesn’t have yet, a revolutionary new technology hailed by CNet as having “limited range and spotty coverage.” And I’m you’re stoked for that improved camera that’s still nowhere near as good as its Android competitors. But the brief sugar high these alleged improvements might bring to your everyday life comes with a considerable global downside. The environmental and consumer costs of disposing of 150 million smartphones every year in the U.S. alone are staggering.

Phone manufacturers and telecom companies have created this bullshit expectation that a normal person needs to discard and upgrade their smartphone every year, even if the phone is not cracked and is still in good working condition. The consequences of this pointless, fraudulent, manufactured consumer need are wrecking the environment, driving income inequality and making the world a more genuinely worse place.

THE iPHONE 12 IS LESS STUFF FOR MORE MONEY

In perhaps the greatest “Fuck You” move in the history of smartphones, you do not get earphones or a charger with the iPhone 12. That means you’re stuck with your old iPhone headphones and charger, or rather, the knock-off replacements you bought because the original accessories they sold you were so brittle in the first place.

Apple hilariously claims that this move is designed for “further reducing carbon emissions and avoiding the mining and use of precious materials,” an argument so implausible that only a vested shareholder would say it with a straight face. They are doing this to sell more overpriced accessories! 

Because if Apple really wanted to help the environment, they could have easily eliminated one major source of waste…

THE ENVIRONMENTAL HAVOC OF LIGHTNING PORT HEADPHONES AND CHARGERS

It’s been eight years since Apple made the wildly anti-consumer, anti-environmental decision that took away the standard, universal headphone jacks and USB chargers. As any sensible person realizes, Apple did this because they think their pissing match with Android is far more important than the survival of the human race on this planet.

As the Verge thoughtfully observes, Apple could just switch to  “a much more useful USB-C to USB-C cable that could charge basically all of your electronics.“ But they won’t, because incompatible charging equipment is a major source of sales for them. 

Maybe one day some Silicon Valley genius will invent this year’s to-die-for smartphone that magically changes into next year’s to-die-for smartphone when next year rolls around. That would be a true “miracle device”. Until then, we  ought to hold this industry more accountable for the human and environmental tolls of excessive consumption and disposal of smartphones.

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Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura is a two-bit marketing writer who excels at the homoerotic double-entendre. He is training to run a full marathon completely drunk and high, and his work has appeared in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal on days when their editors made particularly curious decisions.

1 Comment

  1. Cadence
    October 22, 2020 at 7:15 pm — Reply

    Not too worry. I’ve never bought an iphone and never will. Back then if you pulled out an iphone on the street, it made you a high prized target. And as you mentioned, it’s just gotten silly without headphones socket, without removable battery, and the ever high pricetag.
    I really hate mindless consumerism. Not only is it unsustainable, but a product well designed and planned out shouldn’t need to be replaced with such a frequency.

    Despite the mass indulgence in tech, I don’t believe they are doing such a great job.

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