An Atmospheric River Is About To Drown San Francisco

Are you ready to get fucking wet? You better be because God’s bladder is full and it’s about to burst on the Bay. I wish meteorologists spoke like that. They’d be more fun.

San Francisco is kicking off the week with some sunshine, but don’t get too comfortable—it looks like heavy rain and strong winds are headed our way by Wednesday, thanks to an incoming atmospheric river.

The National Weather Service (NWS) says we could see up to 2 inches of rain in the city, with the North Bay likely to get the worst of it. Things will start to go downhill late Tuesday afternoon, so now’s the time to clear out your gutters and storm drains to avoid flooding headaches.

There may be some flooding, so now would probably be a good time to step your sandbag game up. Luckily most of the cities in the Bay Area will be providing sandbags. If you’re in San Francisco, stop by the Public Works operations yard at the Marin/Kansas Street gate with a proof of address and you’re eligible for up to 10 sandbags. 

The San Francisco Public Utilities Commission (SFPUC) is keeping an eye on the city’s catch basins. During the storms, SFPUC crews will be out there with hand tools and equipment to help manage flooding if it pops up.

This week’s atmospheric river is the first major rainmaker of the season, kicking off San Francisco’s water year, which runs from Oct. 1 to Sept. 30. So far, we’ve seen about 26% of the usual rainfall—just 0.56 inches since October 1, according to NWS data.

Meteorologist Dial Hoang gave some advice to the SF Examiner for dealing with the rain: give yourself extra time to get around. Wet roads could slow down public transit, and drivers will need to leave more space between cars to stay safe. Stay cautious out there!

I want to end this article the same way I started this article, with a piss joke, but I can’t think of one.

I’m sorry for failing you.

SUBSCRIBE TO MY SUBSTACK HERE

FOLLOW MY WRITING ON INSTAGRAM HERE

FOLLOW BAY AREA MEMES ON FACEBOOK HERE

FOLLOW BAY AREA MEMES ON INSTAGRAM HERE

PURCHASE MY BOOK HERE