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Donald Trump Has Lost The Presidential Election

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Image: Gage Skidmore via Flickr

Multiple news outlets are reporting that President Donald Trump, the bane of this website’s existence for the last five years, has lost the 2020 presidential election. Democtratic nominee Joe Biden was just declared the winner in Pennsylvania, delivering him that state’s 20 Electoral College votes, thereby giving him 20 Electoral College votes total, and making him the next president of the United States.

Image: Dallas Barnett via Twitter

The defeated sore loser Trump is of course still contesting the results, and threatening lawsuits against the states of Georgia, Pennsylvania, Wisconsin, and Michigan. Hilariously, his lawsuit against Michigan calls for the state stop counting ballots — even though Trump is behind in Michigan, and stopping the count would deliver the state to Biden.  

After a long and difficult Tuesday election night of Biden being ahead, but no with no clear winner, the former vice president and now president-elect clinched Wisconsin late Wednesday morning. Michigan was called for Biden early Wednesday afternoon. As the counting dragged on all Thursday night and well into Friday afternoon, and news organizations drove us all nuts by being incredibly cautious in calling the race. But Biden was finally declared the winner in Pennsylvania to put him over the 270 Electoral College votes needed to win.   

Certainly Donald Trump is not going to concede this election or admit defeat. He will falsely claim he actually won. His lawyers will try to toss out legitimately cast votes, and they’ll try to appeal everything to the Supreme Court. He’ll scorch America’s earth as much as possible on his way out. He or his unemployable son will probably try to run again in 2024, and his toxic brand of white trash QAnon bullying will likely remain a force in American politics for a generation or longer.

But Trump has now been specifically rejected by American voters in an election we can now say he lost fair and square. At long last, we can finally tell Donald Trump what we’ve been wanting to tell him for years:

“YOU’RE FIRED!”

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Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura is a two-bit marketing writer who excels at the homoerotic double-entendre. He is training to run a full marathon completely drunk and high, and his work has appeared in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal on days when their editors made particularly curious decisions.

1 Comment

  1. Cadence
    November 12, 2020 at 2:01 pm — Reply

    Good riddance. Now America has work to do. Specifically meet all the working classes needs; minimum wage that affords: housing, food education healthcare.

    The huge divide between left and right can come together to meet the basic needs, if religion and ideologies are left out of it.

    End wars and, Make corporations pay taxes again!!

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