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The 30 Stupidest Things Customers Have Ever Said To Their Servers

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Anyone whose job requires them to have direct interaction with the general public has probably had to bite the insides of their cheeks to keep from laughing directly in the face of a customer who has said something so completely ridiculous. Every customer facing employee has endured some doozies, but working in a restaurant is where customers can really embrace the stupid. Behold, the thirty most ridiculous things a customer has ever said to their server:

“Can I have a quesadilla with no cheese?”

Customer: Can I have nachos with no cheese, no sour cream, no jalapeños, no chili or cilantro.

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Server: That’s just really chips and salsa? Do you want that instead?

Customer: No, I really want nachos.

“I didn’t know the salsa would be so tomatoey.”

“Are there eggs in your scrambles?”

“Can I get raspberry jam for my garlic toast?”

“I’d like a virgin sangria.”

“I’ll have a virgin dirty martini.”

“What’s in a Jack and Coke?”

Customer: What flavor of White Claws do you have?

Server: We only have beer and wine.

Customer: Okay, I’ll just have a vodka soda then.

“I’ll have an Irish coffee with no cream, no sugar and no whiskey.”

“Can I have lamb’s milk for my coffee?”

“I would like my chicken medium-rare.”

“Describe the ice cubes for me.”

“My ice cubes melted too fast in my water.”

“What is avocado?”

“I want the mozzarella sticks, but can you make them sot so cheesy?”

Customer wanting syrup: “Can I get more pancake sauce?”

In a bar-b-q restaurant: “What’s the difference between chopped brisket and sliced brisket?”

“Can I get my burger cut in two? Half medium rare, half medium well with different toppings on each half?”

“You didn’t clarify on your menu that pepperoni is a meat.”

“Is there meat in the chicken parmesan?”

“How many nuggets come in the 10-piece?”

Server: How would you like your steak cooked?

Customer: Over easy.

“My sausage doesn’t taste like bacon.”

“I can’t eat sausage because I’m allergic to pork so can I substitute it for bacon?”

“I’d like the rack of ribs with each bone on a separate plate.”

Server: How would you like your burger cooked?

Customer: Regular.

“Is there any way you can make the room less echoey?”

Customer come into the restaurant from outside: “What’s the weather like on the patio?”

Customer sitting on the patio: “Can you do something about those loud planes flying overhead?”


Waiting tables certainly isn’t easy, but at least there’s always something to laugh about and it’s usually the customers!

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Bitchy Waiter

Bitchy Waiter

Darron Cardosa is a writer, actor, singer, and waiter. He lives and and works in New York City and enjoys "The Brady Bunch," "The Facts of Life" and cocktails almost as much as he hates your baby.

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