So you want to learn how to be more passive aggressive, but you can’t find a good extension course?  Never fear because we are going to give you all the information you need to make other people feel terrible, while pretending to yourself that you’re still a nice person. 

Learning to be bilingual in passive aggression is so much easier than learning Spanish and quicker too. This powerful language allows you to mask your own feelings, while making others feel badly about having theirs. Get it down and you’ll never have to feel vulnerable again!

When it comes to passive aggression learning, the immersion technique is really the best way, but if you didn’t get to learn this secret language from your family of origin there is still hope. Read on for some potent passive aggressive examples including when and how to use them for maximum effect.

Top 6 Passive Aggressivisms:

6. “Wow, I wish I had that much time on my hands.”

When to use:
A creative friend of yours made something really cool/weird/interesting and is excited to show it to you.

What you really mean:
Your creativity is a waste of time and you should be doing real grown up things like defrosting your freezer and shopping on Amazon.

What you really, really mean:
I feel terrible that I’m never creative anymore and want to punish you for daring to spend time on your creative pursuit.

5. “Living the dream!”

When to use:
When a friend of yours has taken a big risk and is making their artisanal pickle factory or crocheted unicorn hat business work.

What you really mean:
You just got lucky dude. I’m too smart and practical to think about dreams. That’s kid stuff.

What you really, really mean:
Your courage and persistence are making me feel bad about myself and my own sad, little life. Please stop.

4. “I love how comfortable with your body you are.”

When to use:
When a female friend of yours seems like they have started to throw off the shackles of western beauty standards and feel okay about their body.

What you really mean:
You’re fat.

What you really, really mean:
I feel bad about my body all the time and you should too. Solidarity sister!?!

3. “You’ve done really well for someone of your education level.”

Advanced follow-up:
Oh, did you not want all your co-workers to know you dropped out of college? Oopsie. I just sooo value honesty.

When to use:
A friend or acquaintance has announced a promotion or some kind of success.

What you really mean:
I’m jealous of your success and want to take you down a peg.

What you really, really mean:
I have giant sucking hole inside me and can only fill it with the tears and hurt feelings of others.

2. “You’ve got a great personality and that’s what really counts.”

When to use:
When a friend or acquaintance talks about their dating life.

What you really mean:
You’re ugly and I’m pretty.

What you really, really mean:
I’m afraid I’m ugly too.

1 “You’re just having too much fun”

When to say:
When someone is laughing a lot and having a goofy good time.

What you really mean:
Why don’t you get serious and start thinking about your 401K. You know all good times end and yours will too.

What you really, really mean:
I feel left out of the fun, but too scared to really join in. Your joy is making me deeply uncomfortable. Stop it now.

Start small and before long you’ll be a passive aggressive ninja able to make people cry with your seemingly innocuous verbal throwing stars. Soon your friends and acquaintances will be wondering why they feel so crappy all the time and you’ll be feeling awesome! Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with us.