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Broke Ass Last Minute Ideas for Valentine’s Day

Updated: Feb 11, 2014 20:34
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We’ve all been there, dude. You’re happily single, watching True Detective from a stolen source of cable, pretending the chicken in your fridge is still ok to eat, Peter Panning your way through life on a meager salary, when, BAMM! The perfect person comes along, and you’re screwed (literally and figuratively); you’re falling in love. And it’s almost Valentine’s Day. And you’ve got like $20 to convince said perfect person that they should stick around for a little bit. Fear not, fellow slackers! We here at Broke-Ass Stuart are generally totally broke/drunk/perpetually falling in love, and are prepared to help you through this trying time. Here are some Broke Ass suggestions that will make you feel more Casanova and less Corey Feldman on Friday.

40s On The Beach – This date first came about when we all got fake IDs. It’s simple, cheap as hell, and (because you’re probably in San Francisco, which often feels like the arctic circle) encourages snuggling. The directions are simple – head to your local corner store, buy two 40’s, locate a pink or red ribbon, tie the around the 40s, and head to your Romeo or Juliet’s place of residence. Tell them to bring a super warm coat. Bonus points for dudes/chicks that don’t even text, they just Lloyd Dobler their date to the window with portable speakers and their phone. My heart melted just thinking about that.

 SWOOOON. (Taken from

Walk Across The Bridge – You’re lazy. You should have thought about this yourself. Walking across the GGB is a classic, romantic activity and costs no money, minus the transportation to get to the actual bridge. Grab your one true love and say that you have an adventure planned. Nothing is more fucking romantic than knowing that if an earthquake struck at that moment, you would both probably be eaten by the same shark. And the view is glorious! If you’re a big spender, rent bikes and head on over to Sausalito to get some overly priced wine and/or lattes. Short on cash? Who cares! If you’re broke, the romantic effort is totally there so just bringing them to the bridge should at least get you to second base. If your somewhere besides SF, locate a similar breath-taking landmark. It’s really pretty much all the same thing.

Picnic In The Park – This plan is definitely weather permitting, but nothing sucks about making out in a park after dark on some old blanket. You’ll probably drunkenly tell your kids about it one day! If you have any pasta or whatever laying around the house, make that one recipe you have mastered and pack a picnic. I know Two Buck Chuck has gone up in price, but you can still totally afford enough to get that warm, fuzzy feeling.  Swoon.

 This could be you, but more probably more awkward! (Taken from

Got any other bright ideas, Don Juan? We’re all idiots when it comes to love and money, so let’s help each other out this Valentine’s Day. Leave your tried and true suggestions in the comments below.

Love You 4Eva,


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Chloe Newsom - Dive Bar Desperado

Chloe Newsom - Dive Bar Desperado

I like kittens, 40s, cupcakes, pizza, metal, thigh-highs, weekends, travelling, and parks. Lemmy is god. That's...that about covers it.