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I Just Got COVID-19 Last Week. This Isn’t Over Yet, People

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Image: Mufid Majnun via Unsplash

Last week, about 30 San Franciscans were still testing positive for COVID-19 every day. I am one of them. 

I was exposed to someone who didn’t know they had it. People, I have to tell you to please don’t let your guard down, please stay determined with the masks, social distancing, and staying home as much as possible. I’m fine and I have no symptoms, but I am carrying the virus and stuck in self-isolation. Please send whiskey, uplifting animated GIFs, and nudes.

NOTE: I am not Broke-Ass Stuart. I am a contributor to the Broke-Ass Stuart website, as Broke-Ass Stuart does not write all of the articles that appear on BrokeAssStuart.com. As far as we know, Broke-Ass Stuart does not have COVID-19 right now.

In San Francisco, the email above is the first thing you see when you have COVID-19. The MyChart system sends you an email alert about two hours after your test. (The results come fast these days.) You immediately start bargaining with yourself that the “Standard Range – Negative (internal QC ok)” field is your actual result, even though you know in your heart it is not.

Then you get the text from the California Department of Public Health, and you know shit’s real. They ask whether you want to sign up for the Exposure Notification system, which will send alerts to anyone you may have also exposed. That’s a personal decision, but I signed up, I did it. It is “based on technology built by Apple and Google,” and I don’t trust those assholes one bit. But the system is actually being administered by public health professionals, who care more about saving lives than making a profit, and I do trust those people.

The San Francisco DPH will call you too, and — hey-o! — they deliver you a bunch of food! They don’t want you to leave the house so they send you a supply of groceries. It’s not really nice stuff, it’s “what they have.” But it will help get you through your 10 days of self-isolation (which can go even longer if you develop symptoms), and self-isolation is even more severe than quarantine.

I’m one of the lucky ones. I have no symptoms, and I’ve been blowing a 98.6 on the thermometer twice a day since I tested positive. But I’m living proof (living for now, at least!) that this is not over and you can still catch COVID-19. You are not fully vaccinated until two weeks after your second dose. And even though things are slowly reopening, please keep it up with the mask-wearing, distancing, and hand-washing, and avoid unnecessary travel.

Because you know that dumb phase people keep saying that “We’re all in this together”? Not when you get COVID-19, you’re not. When you test positive for COVID-19, for at least the next 10 days, you are in this very much alone.  

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Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura is a two-bit marketing writer who excels at the homoerotic double-entendre. He is training to run a full marathon completely drunk and high, and his work has appeared in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal on days when their editors made particularly curious decisions.

10 Comments

  1. WashPeople
    April 15, 2021 at 12:09 pm — Reply

    Would you mind revealing how you were exposed? Like were you hanging out indoors with the person who didn’t know they had it, or maybe more? Thanks and good luck!!!

  2. Elise
    April 15, 2021 at 12:14 pm — Reply

    So, I am curious, were you yourself not continuing to be careful, Joe? Did you let your guard down? Not wearing a mask, hanging out with un-vaccinated friends? Being social at a closer than 6 food distance? Because what I REALLY want to know is if people are still catching this shit when they are being vigilant. That’s what I want to know.

    • Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training
      April 16, 2021 at 9:55 am — Reply

      Someone close to me traveled out of state amd brought it back

      • Elise
        April 20, 2021 at 9:47 am

        So, is that a ‘yes’ I was not being careful and vigilant? Hanging out unmasked with a person that had just traveled to another state/country by plane?

  3. April 15, 2021 at 2:56 pm — Reply

    Joe, quit begging the question: which diseases DOES Stuart have?

    (Also, public health voice, lay off the whiskey while you’re positive. Bad for immune system and promotes inflammation, which is the nastiest trick COVID pulls.)

  4. Johnny Kat
    April 15, 2021 at 4:05 pm — Reply

    Glad that so far, you seem to be asymptomatic. The big question is, did you pick up the virus despite wearing a mask and social distancing? I want to properly calibrate my level of paranoia.

    • Elise
      April 20, 2021 at 10:00 am — Reply

      Well hello Johnny Kat! Long time no talk!!! I am asking the same question but not getting a direct answer…. I won’t even seen clients double masked if they have been traveling.

  5. Cadence
    April 15, 2021 at 4:10 pm — Reply

    There’s still plenty of people that aren’t wearing mask correctly. That includes public transportation, food service, laundromat, all those outdoor eating and drinking places by the sidewalks.
    I don’t understand, why, other than people aren’t intelligent and the reality hasn’t sunk in after a year, of they just don’t care about others.

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