Our 12 Most Read Stories of 2019
So long 2019, don’t let the door hit you on the ass on your way out! Now, let’s all have a seat and scroll through the most read articles published on BrokeAssStuart.com over the past twelve months. Unsurprisingly, they cover progressive views, culture, nightlife, and of course a sprinkling of sex, drugs, art and satire.
On behalf of the entire Broke-Ass Stuart staff I’d like to thank you, the reader, for supporting this site over the years, you young broke and beautiful motherf****s are the reason we keep writing year in and out. Enjoy our most read articles from 2019…and we’ll see ya in the roaring 20’s.
FENTANYL LACED COCAINE IS KILLING PEOPLE IN THE BAY AREA
BY BROKE-ASS STUART – EDITOR IN CHEAP
Seeing as New Year’s Eve is nearly here, and people will be partying their faces off on the last night of the year/decade, I figured it was really important to get this public service announcement out there:
DON’T do cocaine…
HOW MEAL DELIVERY APPS ARE KILLING YOUR FAVORITE RESTAURANTS
BY JOE KUKURA- MILLIONAIRE IN TRAINING
THE BODY POSITIVITY MOVEMENT DOESN’T INCLUDE MY BODY
By DEE DEE THOMPSON
This morning, I made my first purchase at Adore Me, a subscription-based online retailer for sleepwear, lingerie, and activewear. After a few months of disappointment with the plus-size options at Savage x Fenty (Rihanna’s lingerie subscription site) I decided to try something new, and admittedly a little bit lighter on my pockets…
SAY WHATEVER THE F*** YOU WANT ABOUT BARRON TRUMP
By MAX BRUNO
Constitutional Law expert Pamela Karlan spoke to the House Judiciary Committee’s first impeachment-related hearing yesterday. Since then, the country has been thrown into frenzied discussion over her remarks regarding the conduct of the President:
EVERYTHING I KNOW ABOUT OUR CONSTITUTION AND ITS VALUES, AND MY REVIEW OF THE EVIDENTIARY RECORD, TELLS ME THAT WHEN PRESIDENT TRUMP INVITED — INDEED, DEMANDED — FOREIGN INVOLVEMENT IN OUR UPCOMING ELECTION, HE STRUCK AT THE VERY HEART OF WHAT MAKES THIS COUNTRY THE “REPUBLIC” TO WHICH WE PLEDGE ALLEGIANCE. THAT DEMAND CONSTITUTED AN ABUSE OF POWER … BASED ON THE EVIDENTIARY RECORD, WHAT HAS HAPPENED IN THE CASE BEFORE YOU IS SOMETHING THAT I DO NOT THINK WE HAVE EVER SEEN BEFORE: A PRESIDENT WHO HAS DOUBLED DOWN ON VIOLATING HIS OATH TO “FAITHFULLY EXECUTE” THE LAWS AND TO “PROTECT AND DEFEND THE CONSTITUTION.” THE EVIDENCE REVEALS A PRESIDENT WHO USED THE POWERS OF HIS OFFICE TO DEMAND THAT A FOREIGN GOVERNMENT PARTICIPATE IN UNDERMINING A COMPETING CANDIDATE FOR THE PRESIDENCY…
YOU CAN NOW TAKE ‘SHROOMS’ LEGALLY IN DENVER
BY ALEX MAK – MANAGING EDITOR
‘Magic Mushrooms’
Denver Colorado has become the 1st major American city to make tripping on shrooms, legal. It’s not quite Amsterdam just yet though, you won’t be able to walk into a dispensary and buy magic mushrooms, because selling shrooms is not covered in the new law, but you will no longer be called a criminal for possessing or consuming psilocybin (the ingredient in shrooms that makes you trip) in Denver….
TED CRUZ TALKS TO MAGA TEEN ABOUT LIVING WITH ‘PUNCHABLE FACE SYNDROME’
BY ALEX MAK – MANAGING EDITOR
“I’M A SURVIVOR, YOU’RE A SURVIVOR, GOD KNOWS IT WASN’T EASY”. TED CRUZ ON LIVING WITH PFS (PUNCHABLE FACE SYNDROME).
Senator Ted Cruz of Texas reached out to the embattled MAGA hat wearing teenager Nick Sandmann Sunday to speak with him about the dangers of living with PFS, commonly known as ‘Punchable Face Syndrom’. The Senator has lived with the condition for most of his adult life and is considered by many experts to be the face of ‘Punchable Face Syndrome’….
CONCORD RESIDENTS ARE BEING CHOKED TO DEATH
BY NIK WOJCIK – EAST BAY EDITOR
City of Concord sign. Photo by Nik Wojcik
Oh, Concord.
It feels like decades have passed since Conde Naste named the “big little city” one of the 10 best places in the world to retire. But it wasn’t decades ago – it’s been just over three years since that grandiose claim was made. There was a time when Concord was considered a good place for the poor to achieve some upward mobility. This is not that time….
S.F.’S SADDEST CLOSURES OF 2019
BY PETER LAWRENCE KANE
2019 was known for a lot of disappointments, from the Mueller Report to Days of Our Lives firing its cast en masse, but in San Francisco, a lot of beloved places closed.
There are stirrings of hope, such as how The Punch Line got saved to the return of Blowfish Sushi in the Mission to the predicted resurrections of North Beach Italian classic Tosca and Chinatown legend Empress of China (which closed in 2014 and which the Hakkasan team will reopen as Empress of Boon next year). Bernal Heights’ wonderful butcher Avedano’s Holly Park Market also managed to survive owing to an anonymous rent-paying savior. And The Elbo Room may hace closed on Jan. 1, but reopened as The Valencia Room, which continues its tradition of hosting Litquake and other events…
THE LEGENDARY PUNCH LINE COMEDY CLUB IS CLOSING
BY ALEX MAK – MANAGING EDITOR
The Legendary Punchline San Francisco is closing this summer after over 40 years of hosting some of the biggest names in comedy. According to a source close to the Punchline, all staff was notified this week that the owners of the building have refused to renew the club’s lease which ends on August 20th…
The 4 story AMC movie theater on Van Ness has canceled all showtimes past Friday, Feb 8th, and apparently it’s being shut down permanently, according to a source close to theater management.
HOW LONG WOULD IT TAKE TO WATCH EVERY ‘GAME OF THRONES’ EPISODE FROM THE BEGINNING? AN ANALYSIS
By JOE KUKURA- MILLIONAIRE IN TRAINING
WHY DOES CONTRA COSTA COUNTY HAVE SO MANY NAZIS?
ABRAHAM WOODLIFF – BAY AREA MEMELORD
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