BY SCHATZIE FRISCH

I grabbed my crotch and yelled, “I gotch yer balls right here bitch!”. Well, ok… I didn’t grab my crotch. I have no balls, and she wasn’t a bitch. Instead I politely responded to the woman who resided near the Pickleball courts, and sincerely apologized for the loud ‘thwacking’ sound I was about to create when my fiberglass composite Pickleball paddle comes in contact with that neon resin Pickle ball. I did comply with her request to use the “Official Decibel Approved Noise-Mitigating” Pickle ball supplied by the city of Berkeley. Unfortunately I don’t own a Noise-Mitigating paddle yet.

The Author and her Kindergarten buddy getting ready to test Pickle balls

Welcome to the drama-filled Cedar-Rose Park Pickleball courts in Berkeley. And this type of drama is unfolding across the nation.

Not familiar with the trendy sport of Pickleball? Pickleball paddles and Ukuleles are popular gear amongst the Boomer set and they are about the same size. They both emit a “thwacking” sound. One is just a bit more unpleasant than the other.

Pickleball was invented in 1965 on the island of Bainbridge in Washington. Pickleball is a cross between Tennis, Ping Pong, Four Square and a Therapist’s Office. It was named after a dog called “Pickles”. I don’t agree with Shakespeare, ”What’s in a name? That which we call a pickle. By any other name would smell as sweet.” Pickleball would not be as popular if it had another name. People enjoy saying “Pickle” and “Ball”. But put the two together? Instant smiles.

If you are old and ailing you don’t have to shuffle too far to swat that little holey ball over the net, especially if you play with four Pickleball players. (Unfortunately Emergency Room visits are also on the rise). For me, it’s “Pickleball Therapy”. I ramble on about my sordid love life to my Pickleball partner across the net (who I have known since Kindergarten) knowing full well other Pickleballers on neighboring courts are eves dropping. I don’t give a Pickle.

Pickleball is a joyous sport for both player and spectator. However, there is a third group involved in Pickleball. The word “joyous” does not describe this group. This group of nearby residents neither “play”, nor “spectate”, but they do “hear”. And what they hear is driving them batty.

You see, each time the paddle connects with the Pickle ball a very loud, annoying “thwacking” sound is emitted, (unlike the much softer, muted “thud” of the tennis ball).

Cedar-Rose Pickleball Courts in Berkeley

The drama began in 2019 when the City of Berkeley built 4 beautiful green kosher Pickleball courts at Cedar-Rose Park. (They converted one Tennis court). Players came from all over the world to Pickle! On-line reservations $$$ had to be made for some courts, and fists were used to secure other courts. Pickleball gangs developed. I’d often see those Pickleballers slowly exiting their Hybrid Electric Vehicles in their Normcore attire (after they had circled endlessly to find parking where there was no street sweeping). Wispy grey hair peeking out from under their giant brimmed UPF hats from REI, opaque white glistening sunblock slathered on their sunglassed faces, Hoka supportive Pickleball sneakers, pricey carbon fiber weave paddles, tee shirts that read “Day Dinker” and “Pickleball. It’s kind of a big Dill” and enormous, insulated, stainless steel Hydro Flask vessels filled with electrolytes. “Pickleball” is what they play.

I remember that day well. I arrived at the Pickleball courts. There was a flurry of activity and official-looking Parks and Rec employees with clipboards, visors, and fluorescent vests. The Parks and Rec Dept. was conducting a Pickleball “Decibel Test”. Which Pickle balls made the loudest “thwack”? and which Pickle balls made a little less loud “thwack”? This translates into, which Pickle ball is not loud enough to push the nearby neighbors into nuttiness. It’s a fine line. And one decibel may make the difference in someone’s sanity. There was fancy audio recording equipment set up to measure the Pickle ball “thwacks”. My Kindergarten Pickleball buddy and myself became test volunteers. We were given different types of Pickle balls. We played with each Pickle ball for a couple minutes, while they recorded the “thwacking” sound.

Let the decibel Pickleball testing begin!

Before the Pickleball decibel test day, the City of Berkeley had installed acoustic-dampening panels “Acoustifence”  for “Thwack-muffling”. All part of a “Noise Abatement” measure to appease the nearby complaining residents. After the testing, the City supplied free Pickle balls for the players to use. These lucky balls tested lowest on the “thwack” decibel scale.

Apparently some residents living in apartments beside the idyllic green Pickleball courts have compared the Pickle balls hitting the Pickleball paddles to the sound of “gunshots being fired”. And these gunfights at the “Pickleball OK Corral” happen all day long. At least the residents have a bit of reprieve at night and on Mondays. There is even a lock on the gate now so those damn Pickleballers can’t sneak in and play anymore. (I don’t think they can climb over the fence).

Never a shortage of Pickleball puns

I have complete compassion for the residents living next door to the courts. (Although sometimes I have an uneasy feeling that someone in an upper floor window is watching me thru a crosshair as I laugh and “thwack” my ball. And I have “thwacked” thousands of balls). And I feel for the woman resident who asked me to use the “Official Decibel Approved Noise Mitigating” Pickle ball. She seemed frazzled. I can relate, as I myself have a problem with the leaf blower users in my neighborhood. I have to leaf/leave my house when they start their blowin’. And yes, I realize what a 1st world problem this all is. Mention the Pickleball “thwacks” and leaf blower noise issue to some communities here, and around the world? They would have to laugh as they have more disturbing noises to contend with.

The Pickleball “thwack” battle continues to this day across the nation. Pickleball Lawsuits are numerous. Pickleball Lawyers wearing green suits are having a day in “court”. There is even a “Pickleball Sound Mitigation” Facebook page.

Life, Liberty and Pickleball for All.  Map from Pickleheads.com

I was curious as to the latest update regarding Cedar-Rose Park. I reached out to District 1 in the City of Berkeley. I was told by Legislative Aide Beth Gerstein that a Pickleball complex is being constructed at Tom Bates Sports Field down by the Bay. And Pickleball hours at Cedar-Rose park have been reduced. It will take about 6 months for the new complex to be completed. Upon completion, the four existing Pickleball courts at Cedar-Rose will be converted back into a Tennis court. I’m certain the residents will “relish” the day when the loud “thwack” of the Pickle ball will be replaced with the muted “thud” of the Tennis ball.

Pickleball. Making retirement great again

Find Pickle Ball courts anywhere via – Pickleheads.com.

Until then…Keep Calm and Pickle On