Calling All Cello Zealots

See? Classical music is sexy.

Classical musicians rarely have hordes of screaming fans, groupies, or even dressing rooms. This is a goddamned shame, people. Let’s turn the panty-flinging tide in their favor tonight at the San Francisco Conservatory of Music‘s Concert Hall, where a FREE battle of the bands, the Lower Strings Concerto Competition Finals, is set to occur. Three students will perform in an endeavor to become queens and kings of the lower strings.

Let me drop some knowledge: A concerto is a piece of music showcasing a solo instrument backed by some kind of accompaniment, most commonly piano or orchestra. Lower strings include the viola, the cello, and the double bass — basically all of the string instruments except that whiny violin. So tonight you might find yourself swooning to the sweet sounds of such OG composers as Domenico Dragonetti, Antonín Dvořák, and Sergei Rachmaninoff and perhaps relative newcomers like Malcolm Arnold and Gordon Jacob. But please try to contain yourself; it’s considered bad form to be hootin’ and hollerin’ before the song ends.