Watchmen: Cheap Special Effects and Plenty of Blue Schlong

Can you identify the mini-crank flashlight and Archie?

Aside from Rorschach’s scenes in prison and Silk Spectre II’s time in her yellow and black spandex (when she was out of her superhero suit in the nude, I got distracted by Dan’s big apple ass and the event horizon background), Watchmen was unwatchable.  A shame, considering its length.  I did however, find some additional amusement in Archie, the flying mini-crank flashlight.  It really looks nearly identical to the little survivor lights we both got for Christmas from our dad – he loves anything LL Bean. I hadn’t quite made the connection myself, but when my brother pointed it out it was so obvious.  Just look at the picture! I was laughing as Rorschach and Nite Owl II  ran out of juice and crashed into the glacial snow bank outside of Adrian’s superlair.  If only they had wound the power lever to charge the batteries…

Other observations:  

1.Blue dong by the boat load (as stated by a friend: “You know what that movie needed? More blue schlong.”). 

2. Rorschach and Dan break into Adrian’s fortified base that houses the equipment used to mimic Dr. Blue Schlong’s superhuman powers with a small soldering tool.  Previously, it has been established that Adrian is the smartest man in the world and has commanded perhaps the most complex technologies on earth, but he has a tin can for a door? 

3. On Mars, Hottie McHottster (the second Silk Spectre AND daughter to a raped mother) shatters Doctor Manhattan’s friction-free, giant, crystal, transportation device with a feeble pounding of the fist.  

Please, if you have anything negative to say about the movie, be sure to add to the list in the comments section.  It blew.