$1 Beer and Free Comedy @ Underground

I went to this awesome comedy night last week.  If this recap doesn’t stoke your fire you must be made out of diamonds, in which case I’ll pawn your ass.  I’d be there again tonight, but I’m learning how to bartend in Queens from a Spainard who worked in Ibiza for 15 years.  Yea, people here just love drinks called Abortion, Blow Job, Adios Fuck You, 1 900 Fuck Me Up, and Piece of Ass.  See you in a Jersey nightclub.

7:30 pm:  Knowingly show up way before my friend in order to rinse a few $1 beers before the deal ends at 8pm.  Sit alone at the bar reading about Gotti mom’s dispute over house payments in a left behind copy of the Post.  Big happy group in the corner eating pizza they had delivered.

8:00 pm: Do that thing where you time your last order to beat the happy hour ending.  Enormous celebratory mental fist pump.   Walk into the back room and  decide to sit near the front on a banquette, so my friend can join me when she arrives.

8:03 – 8:30 pm: show starts. Host Todd Montesi is a black guy with Jerry Lewis’ voice (his words, not mine). I get called out for sitting alone. Try to make funny retort. Fail.  3 black guys sit next to me, taking the rest of the banquette.  Mental tear follow by mental Michael Cera awkwardness.  First dude comes up and jokes about hitting on girls who are sleeping on the train.  Resonates.

8:30- 9:00pm:  Move to another banquette across the room that has opened up.  Hope black guys don’t think I moved because of them, or the joke the host made when they sat down next to me.  “I feel like a robbery is in progress”.

8:30 – 10:00pm:  Friend showed up (mental fist pump, outward cool), host said something and I reply with something dumb about “pillow talk” (mental death moan, outward stupid cross between a head nod/rocking with friendly close lipped smile).  A guy who just got a deal to write for Conan rocks his brand of “shoulder tapping” jokes.  Host tries to drink a customer’s beer in 1 second.  Someone should get a mop.  Angry Bob talks about chubby chasers and clearly wants to bang a short haired pixie girl.  Everyone wants to bang short haired pixie girl.  One of the 3 black guys, Chad, gets up and lights it up.  It’s like, who the F is this guy and where is Chad.  Sneak attack from the black guy with the misleading name (his joke, paraphrased).  Go to get a drink and miss the last guy, who we had just met outside and promised we’d watch.  Sorry, broseph.

Details (lifted from host Todd Montesi’s Facebook Profile)

Come down and enjoy one of the best comedy shows around! Todd Montesi presents a variety showcase of various comedic styles. Comics/ comedic performers from Uptown/Downtown, HBO, MTV, Letterman, not on Letterman, the whole gamut!UG brings to you comedy at it’s basic form: Visceral, Real and off the cuff. Plus with the dollar beer specials(7-8PM b4), the No Cover charge (which is awesome for your wallet) and the gaggle of hot young things walkin around, you’ll definitely not just watch the show, you’ll be the show! So whatdyagotta lose? Check out the future of comedy early this Tuesday and UG IT!

Tuesday May 19th Lineup (with Todd Montesi and Justin Murrary)

Jay Nog! (Law & Order Season 2 ep. 3)
Adrienne Iapalucci! (Law & Order: SVU season 1 pilot)
William Lewis Wexler “FOB”! (Law & order: Jeff Goldbloom season 7 ep. 12)
Rondell Hartley! (Law & Order: BET pilot not picked up)
Ricky Butler! (Law & Order: Order & Law season 5 lost ep. written by J.J. Abrams)
Paul Olsen! (Law & Order: an egg mcmuffin not a show actually bought that this morning)
Dave Greek! (Law & Order: Just Plain Regular One Hold The Mayo)
April Brucker! (Every crazy chick in the Law & Order series)

 
When: Tonight (Tuesday May 19) Dolla beers 7-8PM; showtime 8-10pm

Where: Underground Lounge 613 2nd ave. bet. 33rd and 34th, fuggin Kip’s Bay!) Take 6 train to 33rd st.

for reservations/info: 212-683-3000