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I Spent 24 hours on Parler Watching it Implode

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This pic of a white guy yelling at himself in the mirror is the perfect summation of Parler (photo by Christopher Ott)

By Borden Ornelaz

With all the news circulating around Parler, I was too curious about the bull posted there and wanted to keep engaging MAGA in the hopes of actual discourse (okay, I wanted to talk shit, just factual shit), but I didn’t want to make an account and have the feeling of tarnishing my e-mail or handle.

Once I made an account though, I posted three comments on Parler.

I couldn’t resist trolling them.

The attack responses began within minutes.

It took a while to get used to it’s stuttering interface and odd flow of threads, but getting past that I threw up a few original posts: they got mad really fast. My notifications went wild. In my first hour or so on the site, these people proved they are the flakiest of snows.

I wanted to test the free speech aspect, just to be a dick, because you can do that with no consequences on the site (at least so they say, despite only popular conservative pundits being allowed to post links for some reason). So, I told Osama bin Laden’s niece that, if she wanted people to take her seriously, she would show her cleavage. What a fucking wild time that something like that is possible, man. And that wasn’t the only comment suggesting the same, with no moderation to stop that sort of harassment. You can block, but there’s no ‘report’ option.

Some two hours in perusing the vitriol and decidedly unhappy content, I had to call it for the night.

The next morning I woke to 100+ reply and up/down vote notifications. I had posted a total of six times, but could check off users calling me insults like cuckold, Nazi, “demoKRAT”, and troll.

When it was announced Amazon was going to pull Parler’s servers I needed to step up my trolling game. Before Parler was shut down, I made it to seven posts and under 50 comments, but received a solid collection of wild notions and responses for 24 hours on the site. I even responded to a post about Recep Erdogan with a made up very obvious conspiracy about a blood offering and honestly couldn’t tell if their response was a serious one. I’m still scratching my head about that one.

The whole thing was just a clunky, slow Twitter ripoff poorly run by a staff of about 30 for around 4 million misinformed, angry, staunchly “I’m right and that’s it” people, with the only worthwhile parts being a more smoothed look and ability to up/down vote in the Reddit fashion, which gets a solid work out with all the “shut up demoRAT” and “do your research” conspiracy responses.

The way Parler sets up its thread feeds is so frustratingly disorganized; continuity is an afterthought at best, making it difficult to read most conversations in a logical manner.

The whole experience on the site feels wholly sad and angry, in the way of a child making up or changing the rules to a playground game because they’re losing. In this case though, that came in the form of declarations calling for legal suits, jail time, and bloodshed, mostly aimed at Amazon, Google, and Apple. In particular, Republican Representative Devin Nunes, CA-22, was posting every hour counting down until the servers were to be shut down, lamenting that Parler founder John Matze now has to scramble to find a new server host.
Between the two, not that there’s much of a choice now that Parler is down, stick with Twitter. It’s the same experience but, like real life, there are consequences to one’s actions, and enough logical, based-in-reality people to drown out the nut jobs
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  1. January 11, 2021 at 5:15 pm — Reply

    You’re doing God’s work Borden.
    A+ trollling.
    Not kidding.

  2. Dennis
    January 12, 2021 at 12:11 pm — Reply

    Way to go Stuart!!! You’re the best.

  3. thingmaker
    January 13, 2021 at 1:14 pm — Reply

    I’m in your corner but not when you troll. Sensible communication with the extreme right may be ineffective but I take a principled stand against all trolling and insincere or purposely false internet messaging.
    Trolling the opposition only helps generate more division. Trolling right wing media communicates not only with the confirmed extremists but also with every less dogmatic individual who reads the posts–and are pushed further right.

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