We Be Bartending Wednesday at Habibi

What we realistically look like...after 4 hours of drinking and smoking. If you are wearing sex-flexible fantasy glasses.

An ideal guest bartender is one with previous experience, charisma, and a rolodex of big spenders and social butterflies who are 'œthe life of the party'. My college nickname was Tallie McShitty, but thanks to desperate bar owners, the prohibitive criterion have evaporated and I’ll be behind the bar with another equally unqualified friend, Charles, aka Chuckles, at Habibi Lounge (198 ave. A between 12^th & 13^th) tomorrow from 6-10pm. Probable lowlights: slow change making and repeated flubs with the soda and tonic buttons on the gun. Predicted highlights: excessive pours and 10:01 pm.

The guy I dealt with on craigslist said dress is casual and music is house/hip-hop. Their belly dancer doesn’t work weekdays, so plan accordingly '“ I’m looking at you Stuart. The guy also mentioned something about guaranteeing 40 people or else an alley and bat or broom stick. I didn’t really catch it.

In conclusion, everything pales in comparison to the Chuckles and Tallie McShitty Show, but if you need other incentives, here they are:

· $10 hookahs '“ the pipes, not prostitutes you god damn Bostonians

· $3 Bud

· $5 cocktails and martinis '“ best to queue for the regular bartender unless you are feeling adventurous or aren’t feeling period.

· $6 well-drinks

· the hail-Mary chance that we get invited back to do it again

Where: Habibi Lounge (198 ave. A between 12^th & 13^th)

When: Wednesday, March 18^th 6-10pm

Why: financial and psychological depression