As I sit on the face of a shrub-studded dune, wind-spiraled sand in my eyes, a man and his two children approach the edge of the beach above me. Dad, I assume, has a fishing pole in his hand, the same as dozens of journeymen along Ocean Beach headed north.

To save some of you the disappointment, first off, this guide is not intended for things like explosives or human kidneys. Far be it for me to favor one type of smuggling over another, but if you’re looking for help with either of those things, um, maybe you should instead