Let’s be honest, we don’t have a great record with goldfish. We are notorious for treating the orange carp as if they’re disposable after they serve their purpose as a carnival prize or mode of child bribery. The little guys swimming around in cheap glass jars are often quickly forgotten

. Summer’s wrapping up. Pretty soon the call to begin hibernation will sound, and I, for one, plan on rewatching all my library movies and switching over to a steady diet of popcorn with nutritional yeast to make up for the mounting overdue fees. The only thing missing from this