I have never driven a scooter in my entire life. I am also a spaz who is prone to fits of occasional anxiety. Bearing the aforementioned in mind, for some reason the thought of piloting a two-wheeled mechanized device made me break on through to the other side of anxiety.

Don’t tell my mom or sister about this piece — I don’t want them to know that a mere hour ago my body slid across Mission Street like a figure skater gliding across ice. My “skating” move today was completely horizontal in position, and the “ice” in question was grizzled