A while back I wrote a little post on two then-promising pets I had just purchased who I was sure were going to not only brighten my life but provide me with calm, unwavering companionship in dire times. What ended up happening to Trent and Eileen is a sad story.

Last night I had a dream that involved a motorcycle; a swimming pool; a drunk, cheating, and grandpa-aged boyfriend; my grade school; a police chase; a lesbian encounter; and someone else’s severed body parts. Yes, I frequently have dreams just as non sequitur, and yes, I’m totally messed up, and

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Background to this post: there is a long-haired dachshund puppy living somewhere near my apartment that I cannot even be around, because she is too cute. A few weeks ago I saw her tethered outside Dumont Burger, waiting for her owner, and I stopped to give her a pet and