Broke-Ass Guide to Staying Cool

As I sit here typing all hot and bothered in my steamy apartment, I say to myself, you can do it, just one more month. I’m not a masochistic person, but I do have a soft spot for low electric bills and have always been able to handle the heat better then the cold. Most of this summer, America has been bitch-slapped by a serious heat wave, that only takes breaks for intermittent monsoon rains and as it turns out I’m not the only one who’s gone AC-free this summer.

According to Consumer Reports, in June alone, “Shipments of air conditioners and major appliances were down 29.2 percent.” And with the economy still being in the crapper, many like-minded adults would rather sweat it out and spend their money elsewhere. So in honor of being a cheap hard-ass, here are some practical tips for staying “relatively” cool for the rest of the summer.

Get things flowing

Box fans are a MUST when it comes to greater all-over room cooling. It’s all about keeping all the doors and windows open at night for a team effort cooling effect. What do I care if my neighbor can see directly into my bedroom window at night or my roommates get more than an eyeful. Sometimes you have to sacrifice privacy for the greater good. And don’t forget the ol bucket of ice in front of the fan for maximum cooling power.

Make new Friends

If your significant other or any of your close amigos doesn’t have AC time for an upgrade! While you’re out on the town, don’t ask potential hook-ups if they have a job, a girlfriend, or a prior record. Ask them if they have AC! If you do have friends with one, offer to make them dinner, or bring over a movie, because their place is just more “cozy” than yours.

Freeze everything

This trick is an oldie but goodie and it has never let me down. Before you leave the house, stick your sheets and pillowcase in a plastic bag and put it in the freezer. Same goes for glassware, eye masks, pretty much anything you can wrap around yourself later.

Walk Away from the Stove

Your apartment is a hotbox as it is, and now you’re going to turn on the stove, you might as well buy a space heater and leave it on for half an hour. If you have a backyard or balcony, grill all your meals outside. If you don’t have outside cooking space, go Macrobiotic or fill up on free samples at Trader Joes.

Abandon Pants

The pants-less trend as been going strong all summer for both men and women. Men have been rocking some serious deck wear shorts and the ladies have been opting for skirts, shorts, rompers, leggings you name it. It’s time to take it all off, because cut-offs do not transition well into Fall.

Save on the Water Bill

It may sound tempting to cool-off with a cold shower but in reality your body overcompensates for the temperature difference and tries to heat itself up. Take lukewarm showers and baths at night to cool off before bed. Follow up with an aftersun product with aloe vera instead of moisturizer for an additional cooling effect.

Make One Yourself

I’m not really the one to be doling out D-I-Y advice, but if you have that innate McGuyver ability to make things check out this homemade air conditioner courtesy of Lifehacker.

And as a side note, please please don’t ever buy a leather couch. Oh sure they look all sleek and modern but in reality they make you feel like you’re  incased in S&M gear while sitting on them. That is all.

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About the author

Laura S - Spendthrift Scribe

Laura S, left the "sixth borough" three years ago to settle in Brooklyn. After working at some daily rags, she now does writing on the side but still eats more Ramen then necessary. When she's not moving residences every 6 months, eating her way through every neighborhood, and trying every microbrew known to man, she is unsuccessfully rediscovering home economics. With her binging days behind her, she's now exploring new projects and rediscovering the city that she loves (although is still prone to sliding on her knees during a Prince karaoke set).

3 Comments

  1. “Abandon pants” would be a good name for a band.

  2. Laura S - Spendthrift Scribe says:

    You got a tambourine?

  3. Parveen says:

    You know I do… It’s left over from my latest failed effort called “Tambourine WHoahMan”

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