Broke-Ass Porn: Buffets

Once a week we present Broke-Ass Porn.  It’s visually stimulating material for the financially impaired.  If this shit doesn’t get you going, you’re not as broke as you thought:


Ah yes, buffets.  There are few things more satisfying to a broke-ass than paying a small some of money and receiving a whole lot of something else in return, especially when that something else is food.

When I was in high school, one of the things that my friends and I reveled in most was getting really stoned and going to Hometown Buffet.  We’d swoop in there like a Mongol army sacking an eastern European city, and by the time we left, all the staff would be terrified by the rate at which we shoveled food into our gullets.  Then Dwight usually puked in the parking lot.  That was kinda his thing.

But enough of me rambling on about about stoners and Mongols, the reason that Buffets are this week’s Broke-Ass Porn is because there is something slightly sexy about getting to eat as much as your heart desires (or rather as much as it can take).  As broke-asses, it’s not often that our cups overfloweth with anything other than bills, so when it does happen it’s best to be prepared.

My advice is to line your pockets with plastic bags.  That way you can eat as much as you like and still take some home for later.  Baggy cargo pants are brilliant for this.  But contrary to my previous statement, being stoned isn’t.  Not only do you generally hurt yourself by eating too much, the paranoia makes it harder to look innocent while you’re trying to escape with pockets full of food..

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About the author

Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

I've been called "an Underground legend": SF Chronicle , "an SF cult hero": SF Bay Guardian, and "the chief of cheap": Time Out New York, but to those familiar with my work, I'm just "that douchebag who writes books about cheap stuff and drinks a lot".