How To Not Be A Cathy Comic Stereotype and/or Super Cheesy on V-Day

Do you ever feel like you’re just one pint of chunky monkey away from uttering 'œwake me up when I’m a size five?'  Are you afraid of cheapening your relationship with your significant other by falling into the traps laid out for you by the Valentines Day Industrial Complex?  Well, hopefully you’re not too close to the dark side in either case, but if you’re extra paranoid about it like me, here are a few ideas I’ve compiled to make your respective V-days possibly more tolerable:

Dancing & Getting Laid:

     1.  Xavier de Rosnay of Justice is DJing at Webster Hall all weekend.  Dance the pain away!  It’s $10 before midnight with RSVP.  Get on the guestlist here.

     2.  Burning Angel has a V-day party at Public Assembly in Williamsburg.  Fuck the pain away!  $10 cover, $8 if you’re wearing pink.  Apparently, you can also win free porn in a 'œstrip-off' contest for couples, and they say there are $4 blow jobs all night.  If for nothing else, just go to find out what the deal with that is.  Check it here.

Shows & Drinking:

     3.  Be delighted by the pop rock-y stylings of Cardiff’s Los Campesinos at the Bowery Ballroom.  It is sold out, but I bet you can scalp reasonably priced tickets (they were $17 on sale).  Go with friends, or go with your SO.  All you have to do is stand there.  And if Los Campesinos doesn’t uplift your spirits, you might want to check your pulse, because you sure are dead to me!  Anyway'

     4.  $30 for all you can drink beer, all you can eat food, and a gypsy band at Beer My Valentine, Radegast Biergarten on 2/13/09.  All proceeds go towards the re-sodding of McCarren Park.  Sod the pain away!

Feminist-y Things:

     5.  Go see The Vagina Monologues.  For being super involved with the Women’s Studies Dept. in college, I somehow have never seen this show.  But, everyone I know who’s seen this has been delighted.  Check your local universities for potential listings. 

     6.  Go Make Out, Not War in the LES.  CODEPINK NYC is hosting a happy hour (7pm-10pm) on 2/12 at Sutra Lounge to benefit Iraqi refugees.  $10 suggested donation, plus you get cupcakes, drinks, & dancing.

     7.  Girls for Gender Equity (GGE), Right Rides, and Students Active for Ending Rape (SAFE) are hosting a First Lady party at Trophy Bar in Williamsburg.  $10 donation, early birds arriving at 7-8pm get 2 free wine/beer tickets.  Afro-centric funk & soul will be spun, a short documentary will be shown, and a silent auction will be had.

Cheaper Things I Pulled Out of My Ass (not literally):

     8.  Go to your favorite local bar that has tables with lots of space, get some construction paper and glitter from the 99 cents store, and make DIY Valentine’s Day cards!  Sure, your mom might think you’ve 'œgone retarded,' but maybe she’ll send you some money, or something.  Full disclosure: Me & a friend actually did this during our employment at the bar we were stationed at (not on our shift, though).  We made cards for the bar staff and most of our friends.  I’m pretty sure they all still have those cards and secretly think we’re geniuses.

     9.  Watch the Godfather trilogy.  I literally never had any time to watch these movies in one sitting until Christmas.  I still haven’t seen the third one.  Make Valentine’s Day your new Godfather tradition, or any other long ass movie/s you’ve been meaning to see forever.

     10.  Try cooking something new and/or adventurous with a friend or SO for dinner.  I never cook, so technically for me, cooking pretty much anything would be new and/or adventurous.  Last year, I made some oven-baked brussels sprouts sprinkled with sea salt and olive oil.  My roommate made cous cous for the first time.  It was quite tasty.  Another time, during warmer months, me & a friend made a 2-person barbeque party based on the pesto/mozzarella/portobello burger they have at San Diego’s Turf Supper Club.

     11.  Don’t acknowledge Valentine’s Day and carry on as normal with your life.