Quick! You Look Like Shit!
This Thursday is Th-HERz-day, for the ladies. So all of you uterus-owners out there, listen up!
We all know what it’s like to have rolled out of bed late for work with no time to shower or really groom yourself in any meaningful way, and have to get straight on the train. Chances are you’re not the shabbiest looking person on the subway but by the time you get to work the realization is slowly dawning on you that you look less than fantastically well, and you realize with horror that you have plans after work and no time to go home and shower or change.
So what do you do hotshot? What. the hell. do you DO?
In an ideal situation you have a Sephora nearby and can sacrifice your lunch hour to allowing Oscar Blandi dry shampoo to penetrate your roots while you apply the most expensive creams, powders, mascaras and perfumes that money can buy. But in situations where hitting Sephora is simply not an option, here are some last minute tips to help you get your shit together. All you need is a Duane Read, Walgreens, CVS or whatever they have nearby.
Clear Nail Polish
When I attempt to paint my own nails in color, the result calls to mind the efforts of an epileptic chimp wielding a paintbrush. That said, if you can do it, (either in the bathroom, on a bench outside work) the upgrade that simple, clear nail polish can give to neatly trimmed shortish nails cannot be overstated. It cleans up your overall look and makes it look like you care, even if you don’t.
Low Ponytail
If your hair gets at all oily near the scalp, brush it out as much as you can to distribute the oils, then put it in a bun and allow the oils to settle in to the hair shaft for a couple of hours. When you take it down it should be in better shape. If you can pull off the messy, tousled bed-head look with no product, god bless you. If not, create a severe part in your hair, brush the rest of your hair into fullness and make a low ponytail or bun at the nape of your neck. Sure it may be a little more Lindsey Naegle than the hip style you were after but desperate times and all that…
EMERGENCY
If shit is all bad with your hair, the only recourse might be a bun with a skinny headband which should be pretty easy and cheap to buy. Keep it in your bag. You will need it again.
Makeup
So obviously going out and buying new makeup is not an option. But you can fake it pretty easily with some chapstick and any lotion you have in your bag. Wash your face, pat it dry and throw a little lotion on there. Then,get some tinted Chapstick or lip balm (Burt’s Bees Pomegranate is fantastic.) A little on lips, a shmear on the cheeks and you’re rosy and glowing.
Wake up your skin a little bit by massaging your temples and cheeks gently with four fingers in a circular motion.
Eyes
Rub a little moisturizer between the fingers and lightly apply to your lashes; this can give the illusion of mascara by adding some shiny definition.
Mouth
There’s something about having a clean mouth that makes you feel cleaner and fresher all over. If you can find the Wisp mini-toothbrushes at the drugstore, grab them. They come with a little bit of toothpaste already on them and can freshen the breath in no time flat. Don’t forget to give your tongue a good brushing; it’s where bad breath germs LIVE at.
IF this is all skewing a bit too Cosmo Sex & Beauty Issue for you, I understand. However when you feel like you look like shit, it’s tough to enjoy your day and enjoying your day is the whole point of this thing we call Life in the fist place, so you do the math!
