Sex and Dating

Listen All Y’all, It’s A (Dating) Sabotage!

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A couple of weeks ago, writer LaToya Peterson shared her thoughts on Jezebel about Alex Benzer’s HuffPo article “Why Do Smart Women Have the Toughest Time Dating?” Aside from the mystery of why, even before reading his piece, anyone would ever take anyone with a AJ McLean style facial hair seriously, Benzer’s conclusions are so outstandingly out of touch and idiotic, I’ve decided to highlight & add to Peterson’s take on the matter.

First of all, there’s the whole matter of if it’s even the case that smart women have that tough of a time dating.  I don’t know that there’s any possible way to actually measure this.  But, even if smart women are their own worst enemies in “sabotaging” their relationships, is that really such a bad thing?  As a wise commenter once said: “If a guy doesn’t see me as an equal, then he is automatically inferior to me”

Problematic Benzer Statement #1

Newsflash from the cosmos: masculine things gravitate towards feminine things. So if you want more masculine things (e.g. guys) in your life, then cultivate your feminine energy…[Men] like to feel useful and wanted, even though they know full well that you can open doors and run companies on your own. Receptivity is a quintessential feminine quality, so if you want more good men in your life, be receptive to their offerings

Newsflash from 1965: Your understanding of gender dynamics laughably archaic.  Really?  Feminine and Masculine energies?  What next?  Are you going to suggest I get a phrenology reading and start practicing some alchemy?  Ten dollars says this guy’s favorite book is The Secret. Also: it’s AnchorMAN, not AnchorLADY, and that is a scientific fact.

Problematic Benzer Statement #2

…as fabulous as [smart women] are, all of their failed relationships have one thing in common: themselves. And frankly, telling them that men are losers or even proving it conclusively doesn’t improve anyone’s plight. Useful advice is about something you can change.

Something you can change?  Like yourself?  Because god forbid men who are losers should be the ones to change, amirite??  It must be all those smarts that’s the problem-o, because you know, boys will be boys!  Also, why, are past relationships deemed as “failed” relationships?  The only thing that one has failed to do is settle for some asshole that you don’t even like who probably thinks you’re “uppity” for breaking up with them.  Or you know, talking and breathing.  I say: the more people in your past, the more you know who you are and what you want (and DON’T want).

Problematic Benzer Statement #3

As paraphrased by Peterson:

And when you’re finished making sure you’ve achieved an acceptable level of hotness for society at large, adhere to the three principles Chris Rock so helpfully outlined in Bigger and Blacker: men want food, sex, and silence, so feed him, fuck him, and shut the fuck up.

Which brings us back to the REAL point of Benzer’s article/writing career: what’s the point of even trying to be smart if you have to actively work against it all the time?

I say, if this is what’s expected of you from the men you meet/date, by all means, SABOTAGE THE SHIT out of your relationships.  Why should you be expected to date these buffoons?  Plus the fact that you shouldn’t even have to date ANYONE if you don’t want to.

Thank god, though, that people as a whole are a lot more complicated than this– a concept that is clearly beyond Benzer’s understanding of anything, and very impractical if you’re a stupid person who wants to solve problems the dumb way.  If failing at relationships with undesireables is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.

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Anna G - Caliburg Contributor

Anna G - Caliburg Contributor

Anna G. is a Southern California native living in the Williamsburg area of Brooklyn since 2005. Anna is constantly trying to unite her love of CA sunshine and the excitement of the New York urban jungle, all the while trying to keep her unwieldy credit card debt under control, and look fabulous at brunch, no matter how un-showered and hungover.

3 Comments

  1. Cristina
    January 18, 2010 at 9:00 pm

    thanks for calling this out. I hate how society/this author/patriarchy makes intelligent women out to be unhappy, uppity know-it-all bitches who sit by the phone all day wondering why he wont call, and its just soooo tired. guess what!? women can too live happy and fulfilled lives without loser boyfriends and husbands.

  2. dana
    January 19, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    nice work. if only we could be sure benzer would read this or any of his criticism without writing it off as women bringing their ceo-face to dinner or whatever. it might have been worth it form him to define smart as he sees it – we can deduce from the article that smart women attend only ivy league universities – lucky break for the rest of us, i would assume that means we of “lower tiered” institutions aren’t at risk of such sabotage.

  3. Anna G - Caliburg Contributor
    January 19, 2010 at 12:37 pm

    Ha, good point Dana. I guess I might as well have gone to Bovine University, as per Ralph Wiggum’s dream.