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Death of the Douchebag – Birth of the Penis Wrinkle

Updated: Sep 10, 2018 11:14
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Simply one of the finest collections of Penis Wrinkles this writer has ever seen.

This is it.  I’m officially killing the term “Douchebag”.  I’m putting it to bed, retiring it, taking it out of circulation.  It’s had a good run….no, it’s had a great run, but it’s time is nigh.

The word Douchebag is just overexposed; it’s lost it’s potency, it’s punch.  It’s like the image of Che Guevara – something that could once stir the hearts of men but is now sadly sold as a commodity in the marketplace.  And so it is with douchebag.  It’s lost the provocative power it once had as an excellent insult to someone who was well…douchey. Plus it’s pretty sexist.

With the death of the Douchebag I’d like to welcome you to the birth of the Penis Wrinkle.  Where “Douchebag” is full of soft vowels, “Penis Wrinkle” has sharp consonants.  Yes, this year’s model has a harsher effect because, for fuck’s sake, you’re calling someone a wrinkle on a penis.

Ed Hardy is actually an anagram for Penis Wrinkle.

All you traditionalists need not worry, Penis Wrinkle is just as flexible as Douchebag ever was.  Instead of shortening it and calling someone a “douche”, you can now just call them a “wrinkle”.  “D.B.” becomes “P.W.” as “D-Bag” becomes “P-Wrinkle”.  Hell, you can even call someone “wrinkly” instead of “douchey”.  Really, the possibilities are endless.

I know people can be resistant to change, but Penis Wrinkle’s time has come.  Don’t you want a word that can once again properly convey your disdain?  Just use it in a sentence and see it’s effect: “The lawmakers in Arizona are complete fucking Penis Wrinkles!” or “I can’t stand Dane Cook.  He must be the biggest Penis Wrinkle in the world”.

Now dear readers it’s up to you to bring the Penis Wrinkle to the masses.  It’s what America needs, a really good two word insult.  Let us go forth from this day on and use Penis Wrinkle until it too loses it’s sneer (at which time I’ll just have to think of another one).

Good-bye Douchebag – Hello Penis Wrinkle!

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Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

Stuart Schuffman, aka Broke-Ass Stuart, is a travel writer, poet, TV host, activist, and general shit-stirrer. His website is one of the most influential arts & culture sites in the San Francisco Bay Area and his freelance writing has been featured in Lonely Planet, Conde Nast Traveler, The Bold Italic, and too many other outlets to remember. His weekly column, Broke-Ass City, appears every other Thursday in the San Francisco Examiner. Stuart’s writing has been translated into four languages. In 2011 Stuart created and hosted the travel show Young, Broke, and Beautiful on IFC and in 2015 he ran for Mayor of San Francisco and got nearly 20k votes.

He's been called "an Underground legend": SF Chronicle, "an SF cult hero":SF Bay Guardian, and "the chief of cheap": Time Out New York.