Death of the Douchebag – Birth of the Penis Wrinkle
This is it. I’m officially killing the term “Douchebag”. I’m putting it to bed, retiring it, taking it out of circulation. It’s had a good run….no, it’s had a great run, but it’s time is nigh.
The word Douchebag is just overexposed; it’s lost it’s potency, it’s punch. It’s like the image of Che Guevara – something that could once stir the hearts of men but is now sadly sold as a commodity in the marketplace. And so it is with douchebag. It’s lost the provocative power it once had as an excellent insult to someone who was well…douchey. Plus it’s pretty sexist.
With the death of the Douchebag I’d like to welcome you to the birth of the Penis Wrinkle. Where “Douchebag” is full of soft vowels, “Penis Wrinkle” has sharp consonants. Yes, this year’s model has a harsher effect because, for fuck’s sake, you’re calling someone a wrinkle on a penis.
All you traditionalists need not worry, Penis Wrinkle is just as flexible as Douchebag ever was. Instead of shortening it and calling someone a “douche”, you can now just call them a “wrinkle”. “D.B.” becomes “P.W.” as “D-Bag” becomes “P-Wrinkle”. Hell, you can even call someone “wrinkly” instead of “douchey”. Really, the possibilities are endless.
I know people can be resistant to change, but Penis Wrinkle’s time has come. Don’t you want a word that can once again properly convey your disdain? Just use it in a sentence and see it’s effect: “The lawmakers in Arizona are complete fucking Penis Wrinkles!” or “I can’t stand Dane Cook. He must be the biggest Penis Wrinkle in the world”.
Now dear readers it’s up to you to bring the Penis Wrinkle to the masses. It’s what America needs, a really good two word insult. Let us go forth from this day on and use Penis Wrinkle until it too loses it’s sneer (at which time I’ll just have to think of another one).
Good-bye Douchebag – Hello Penis Wrinkle!