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Death of the Douchebag – Birth of the Penis Wrinkle

Updated: Sep 10, 2018 11:14
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Simply one of the finest collections of Penis Wrinkles this writer has ever seen.

This is it.  I’m officially killing the term “Douchebag”.  I’m putting it to bed, retiring it, taking it out of circulation.  It’s had a good run….no, it’s had a great run, but it’s time is nigh.

The word Douchebag is just overexposed; it’s lost it’s potency, it’s punch.  It’s like the image of Che Guevara – something that could once stir the hearts of men but is now sadly sold as a commodity in the marketplace.  And so it is with douchebag.  It’s lost the provocative power it once had as an excellent insult to someone who was well…douchey. Plus it’s pretty sexist.

With the death of the Douchebag I’d like to welcome you to the birth of the Penis Wrinkle.  Where “Douchebag” is full of soft vowels, “Penis Wrinkle” has sharp consonants.  Yes, this year’s model has a harsher effect because, for fuck’s sake, you’re calling someone a wrinkle on a penis.

Ed Hardy is actually an anagram for Penis Wrinkle.

All you traditionalists need not worry, Penis Wrinkle is just as flexible as Douchebag ever was.  Instead of shortening it and calling someone a “douche”, you can now just call them a “wrinkle”.  “D.B.” becomes “P.W.” as “D-Bag” becomes “P-Wrinkle”.  Hell, you can even call someone “wrinkly” instead of “douchey”.  Really, the possibilities are endless.

I know people can be resistant to change, but Penis Wrinkle’s time has come.  Don’t you want a word that can once again properly convey your disdain?  Just use it in a sentence and see it’s effect: “The lawmakers in Arizona are complete fucking Penis Wrinkles!” or “I can’t stand Dane Cook.  He must be the biggest Penis Wrinkle in the world”.

Now dear readers it’s up to you to bring the Penis Wrinkle to the masses.  It’s what America needs, a really good two word insult.  Let us go forth from this day on and use Penis Wrinkle until it too loses it’s sneer (at which time I’ll just have to think of another one).

Good-bye Douchebag – Hello Penis Wrinkle!

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Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

Stuart Schuffman, aka Broke-Ass Stuart, is a travel writer, poet, TV host, activist, and general shit-stirrer. His website is one of the most influential arts & culture sites in the San Francisco Bay Area and his freelance writing has been featured in Lonely Planet, Conde Nast Traveler, The Bold Italic, and too many other outlets to remember. His weekly column, Broke-Ass City, appears every other Thursday in the San Francisco Examiner. Stuart’s writing has been translated into four languages. In 2011 Stuart created and hosted the travel show Young, Broke, and Beautiful on IFC and in 2015 he ran for Mayor of San Francisco and got nearly 20k votes.

He's been called "an Underground legend": SF Chronicle, "an SF cult hero":SF Bay Guardian, and "the chief of cheap": Time Out New York.


  1. Nate
    April 26, 2010 at 12:13 pm

    While I agree with your premise–douchebag is ugly, overplayed and powerless–I propose an alternative that better meets our requirements.

    I present to you, cock wipe.

    In the most literal sense, a cock wipe is a person good for nothing other than to clean the insulter’s member after a some serious fucking. It’s just as full of hard consonants, it’s two words, and it’s much more evocative of the disdain that the insultee so properly deserves.

    So you can take your penis wrinkle and I my cock wipe.

    • Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap
      April 26, 2010 at 1:31 pm

      Fair enough. Cock wipe is a good one, but I think Penis Wrinkle is still benign enough to be said on television.

  2. Rebecca Pederson - Cheap Date
    April 26, 2010 at 9:45 pm

    My brother used to call me a penis wrinkle! It was so wholly offensive and I never came up with a comeback that measured up. Good job with this one.

  3. April 27, 2010 at 10:14 am

    A valiant effort, but after decades of use I think douchebag is here to stay. It’s almost not slang anymore, that’s how established it is in our vernacular. Let’s celebrate the word. We’ll never top it.

    • Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap
      April 27, 2010 at 10:22 am

      I disagree. The brilliance of this move is that the penis wrinkles will still be the ones stuck using the word douchebag, thus immediately giving away their penis wrinkleness. It will be like wearing the mark of the beast, or maybe a scarlet letter.

  4. Truthman
    May 3, 2010 at 3:41 pm

    Now, I don’t think I have a problem with the new phrase, but as a proud male of the species, I worry that this will give penis’ a bad rep….hehe

  5. Indigo
    May 9, 2014 at 12:18 am

    Just pointing out that you need to update your bio to say penis wrinkle.

  6. Misha Bavgai
    May 9, 2014 at 2:52 am

    I am actually quite fond of Fucktard. I think that really says it all.

  7. gtodon
    July 5, 2015 at 12:12 pm

    I don’t take language tips from douches who have yet to learn the difference between “its” and “it’s.”

  8. Auntie Techy
    July 5, 2015 at 1:07 pm

    I’m a big fan of asshat and fucktard!

  9. Let it out
    July 9, 2015 at 1:14 pm

    Pretty sure you’re not very serious about this, and also noooooope.

    Penis wrinkle is too awkward. It has too many words, too many syllables, and doesn’t abbreviate well (P-wrinkle???). P. W. doesn’t rhyme or roll off the tongue like D. B. And what do you do for emphasis, like “doooooooooooooooooooochebag!” or the alternative noun-form, douche? Wrinkle? Penis? Boring.

    Let’s face it, a good insult is either a single word or a closed-up compound noun. Kudos, however for coming up with something that is not homophobic.

    Tl; dr: I’m a douchebag.

  10. […] Two lessons here:   1. Don’t seek validation on social media, only douchebags do that.    2. Check your privacy settings before you get butt-hurt over lack of likes. It could […]