Broke-Ass Dating Strategies
So, you’re in between pay periods, and you don’t necessarily want to spend tens of twenties of dollars trying to pick someone up at the Regal Beagle, but still want to have a date (or roll in the hay) on Saturday night? Well, here are some ideas based on various true stories. And yes, most of these suggestions make up for lack of money with loads of MOXIE. So, as I would imagine RuPaul (queen of Moxie, second only to Mary Tyler Moore) to advise if she were with us here on this blog– strap on your best Bardot wig and slap some lipstick on that face bitch, because you betta WARK:
1) Just make that move
Remember that friend of a friend you’ve been eye-ing for what, like months now? If you don’t take some initiative on this now, like, when the hell are you going to do it? Now more than ever, you really have nothing to lose. Friends of friends are the best, because you can strategically choose to never see them again for the most part. Like ABBA says, just take a chance/take a chance/take a chance.
2) Invite someone over who you’ve been neglecting
This works especially well if you have leftover beer from a past party or something. But, if there’s a dude you’ve kinda been too busy to think about for a while, now’s the time to show him you care enough to not leave your house (with him in it!). Instant Netflix-stream something, drink some two buck chuck on your fire escape, get down to business, and call it a night.
3) Talk to someone at the Williamsburg Waterfront Park
I mean, it’s basically the NYC equivalent of meeting someone at the beach. You’re already half nude, so if you think about it, you’re basically halfway there. Some have told tales of offering allergy medication to someone leading to an all-expenses paid wining and dining. Not saying this will happen for sure, but it’s really up to you, the people, to keep the dream alive. At the very least, you’ll have a story to tell.
4) Confront that fucking L Train guy
I heard somewhere once that the L train was like the #2 spot in NYC to meet people or something. But you know what’s stupid and useless? Posting a “Missed Connection” on Craigslist about it. Just fucking talk to them, ya dummies! I have seriously been seeing this one Brad Renfro lookalike guy on the train for going on, hmm, THREE years now. Granted, he’s been with a girl like 9 out of 10 times I’ve seen him. But, WHAT THE HELL else is stopping me from finally just saying “hey”? Nothing. Only my own stupidity. Ok, I’m totally gonna do it next time I see him out or on the train. Thanks for talking me through this, guys. You’re the best.
5) Go out with a bunch of your lady friends and convince the hot bartender at Cyprus Ave to shut down the bar and have a dance party with just you guys and whatever other guys are there
Not saying this actually happened, but sometimes bartenders are known to give free shots to groups of ladies and completely shut down the bar for an impromptu exclusive dance party. I’m not saying this will be across the board with everyone’s taste, but the bartender at Cyprus Ave is fucking HOT as shit. In the words of my text message to my other friend who was unfortunately not there: “He’s like my swarthy dream come to life.” Just tell him what to type into Pandora, and you’re golden.
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