The Costco Food Court — The Holy Grail of Cheap Eats

CHICKEN BAKE! Best bake in the world.

Some lucky assholes have parents who buy them  Costco memberships just for the hell of it, but I’m not one of those lucky assholes.  Rather, I am a young broke-ass who refuses to pay $100 a year for a membership to anything, even if that membership includes FREE samples and the biggest, cheapest box of frozen dinosaur chicken nuggets known to man.

But just because I can’t actually step foot inside a Costco doesn’t mean I don’t have access to the amazing, cheap-as-dirt outdoor food court.  Many of you know of this gem, but for those who don’t, I will explain some highlights from the menu.  A slice of pizza = $1.99; a whole large pizza = $9.95; a hot dog or polish dog PLUS a 20 oz. soda = $1.50; and the best food item ever created, the chicken bake, a huge, delicious shitshow of chicken, cheese, bacon, caesar dressing, and pizza dough = $2.99.  Also, I just learned via a fellow foodie that the food court now carries GELATO.  This just keeps getting better.

They also have some other things that an unhealthy person like me would never order, like a chicken caesar salad, some kind of turkey wrap, and some mocha and smoothie thing.  That stuff is also cheap and consists of huge portions, which you skinny bitches will probably only eat half of.

Remember, there’s nothing wrong with eating delicious food in a dirty outdoor seating area filled with screaming children and parents with multiple shopping carts each — as long as it’s at Costco!