Extremely Helpful Ways to Solve Your Housing Cost Woes

In this economy, we are sick of hearing “in this economy” but that doesn’t take away from the fact that a very large portion of us have no money and if we do have money we are doing everything we can to keep it. Like going for the cut-rate escorts and not quite as long aged scotch. Or you know, stealing ketchup packets and eating the neighbor’s cat. There are things we pretty much have to spend money on if we are to maintain a certain standard of living and housing is one of the big ones. I was trying to come up with some of the non-traditional ways to save money on housing, beyond the basic marrying someone really wealthy and really old, moving back in with your parents to pick up some more emotional baggage, and squatting in an abandoned building (which might be easiest if you relocate to another country).

Some websites (ahem) suggest: move in with roommates. (Knew about that one. We’ve got ’em piled 4 deep here) and haggling with your landlord. (My landlord’s gonna have a good laugh over his zebra steak dinner and gold-infused water about that one).

Here’s my plan of attack:

* Become a butler (but apparently, that involves school?). Bonus: job comes with witty repartee and a wise, worldly outlook, from what I’ve seen of butlers on TV. And possibly a neat accent and mustache.

* Become a live-in nanny/ Au Pair (apparently, that involves taking care of little ones that throw up and cry easily but could make for some great drama if your life has become too mundane. E.g., the Hand that Rocks the Cradle, Kindergarten Cop)

* And finally, the most brilliant one:

Move into a museum. The Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago to be exact. Who hasn’t wanted to live in a museum since reading From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler in school or seen the preview for that night at the museum movie with Ben Stiller?

There’s some paperwork to fill out, a 60-second movie to make, and of course they have to pick you out of all the applicants. But a month in the museum and ten thousand dollars, eh? Sounds much better than moving your conversion van for street cleaning every other day.

True, this is only a temporary solution–Oct. 20 to Nov. 18–but maybe it can lead to other museum gigs. You’d most likely be able to one up the other applicants when it comes down to experience. Or at least you could get a sweet book deal and appearances on Oprah.

For more details (like no overnight guests and what kind of pjs the submarine wears), click here. Application deadline is August 11th.