Nice Guys: How To Tell The Difference

Apparently, the old “girls don’t want nice guys” assertion refuses to just die already. This old wives (husbands?) “tale” has been the justification for so many Mystery-types to get them off the hook for acting like retards to girls. It’s sort of the other side of the logic coin to old school misogyny: “Well, women are shit, and all they want is shit, so I’ll treat them like shit.”

Just in case anyone was confused, here are some ways you can tell the difference between actual nice guy behavior and guys who somehow are under the impression that they are nice.

1) Buying you super cliche bullshit vs giving you something thoughtful

The ultimate litmus test is Valentine’s Day. If some guy gives you a tacky teddy bear and red roses, etc., that’s pretty suspect. All it says is that he thinks women are pretty much interchangeable and stupid. But, if your guy gives you, say, a book you’ve been wanting, or something that clearly took a lot of thought with regards to you specifically, then he’s probably not an asshole (so far).

2) Understanding the difference between “girls” and “women” and not getting angry about it

It’s pretty fucking simple. If a female human being is an adult, she’s a woman. If she’s a teen or child, she’s a girl. To call a woman a girl is kind of like calling a black man a “boy”. What the fuck is so hard about that? Anyhow, once this is clarified with your date, there is really no good reason to get mad about it. Anyone who pulls the “PC Police” card is a douche.

3) Respecting a decision to not get married and/or have kids

It’s one thing to want different things, but it’s quite another to insult another person’s decision. If your date doesn’t understand why it’s dick to imply that you’re immature or an asshole for maybe not wanting to get married or have kids, break up with him.

4) Mean-spirited criticism disguised as constructive criticism

If he makes an offhand comment or five about the cleanliness of your room (provided you’re not living in total filth, but maybe just a little messy), or maybe that you like to have fun while drinking (meanwhile, his exploits are somehow above criticism somehow). You know how to not broach an actual problem? By being insulting. It’s like one step away from those guys on talk shows that call their wives really insulting names to get them to lose weight.

5) The biggest telltale: Always whining about how girls just like assholes and that therefore women are horrible people, etc.

Listen, if you’re a nice guy, you don’t go broadcasting it all over the place. And you certainly don’t think it’s ok to treat others like shit.