Broke-Ass Kitchen: Homemade Caramel Apples

In the words of one of my favorite articles to ever grace McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, IT’S DECORATIVE GOURD SEASON MOTHERFUCKERS!  That means that you’re picking last year’s food off the sweaters you stashed away without washing first, and you probably have a shit ton of apples because one of your friends wanted to go apple picking and you obliged without first thinking about what you could possibly do with $20 worth of apples.

Well, make your own caramel apple treats like some kind of fall wizard is what you can do with that bag of fruit! After ruining two saucepans while recently trying to make my own homemade caramel, I’ve decided that it’s OK to get a little Sandra’s Semi-Homemade for this one. AKA it’s even cheaper and easier than your little pumpkin head could ever imagine. So get going before the bag rots and you hate yourself more than usual.

Broke-Ass Kitchen: Homemade Caramel Apples

Ingredients: 6 cold apples (leave in the fridge a few hours before), 1 14 oz bag of square caramel chews, 2 tablespoons milk or water, 6 popsicle or craft sticks, and whatever you want to twirl them in: nuts, coconut, chocolate chips, candies, etc.
Cost: $4-8, depending on the toppings
Time: 5-10 minutes to make, allow 3 hours for cooling
Soundtrack: Neil Young’s Harvest Moon (Warning: The title track may cause teary eyes.)
The plan: Get all of your toppings out and separate onto different plates or shallow bowls. Line a space on your counter or on a cookie sheet with wax paper for setting them on after. Remove the stems from the apples and replace them with the sticks. Then, unwrap all of the caramels in the bag (I know, it’s annoying but better than ruining saucepans!) and put the candies in a microwave safe bowl. Add the milk or water, microwave for 2 minutes and then stir once. Allow to cool for about 2-3 minutes. Next, swirl the apple around in the caramel while turning it (it it doesn’t stick just let it cool another minute), then remove and then twirl the apple around in your different toppings. Let them set on the wax paper. See, I told you you’d feel like a fall wizard!

Photo Credit: SodaHead.com