ELECTION DAY IS TODAY, TUESDAY, NOV. 8! The 1st Ever Broke-Ass Voter Guide!! Get Out There And Vote Godammit!

STU wants YOU to VOTE!

As far as election years go, this one sounded much like the storied San Francisco of the past. Darkened City Hall dealings, Chinatown power struggles, allegations of puppet leadership, protests, queer mobilization, creepy campaign posters, opera singers, cabbies, bat-shit raving lunatics, old family scions, the filthy rich and the filthy broke. The only thing missing is a parade of Shriners driving tiny cars. That and maybe some ballot boxes floating in the bay, but the election isn’t over yet. Keep a look out for Willie Brown skulking about town in his natty fedora like Boris Badenov.

Now it’s time to make the big choices. We’re pretty sure that you’ll make the well-informed decision that anyone in our astute readership would make, but just to help you out we decided to give you a run down of the whos and whats. Below are the ones that get the Broke-Ass Stuart Seal of Approval from our very own Editor-In-Cheap. Pretty much we are going along with the awesome kids over at the League of Pissed-Off Voters. So if you are broke-ass and pissed-off, you’re in good company buddy.

Also, a few things to remember:

Polls open at 7:00 a.m. and close at 8:00 p.m.

You can vote at City Hall if you can’t get to your assigned polling place.

Don’t vote for the same person three times. It’s cool that you really want them to win, but that isn’t how it works.  If you don’t like anyone else, just leave the other two columns blank.

Okay, onto to our picks!

MAYOR

JOHN AVALOS– Yep, we think Avalos is the buen hombre. He’s a hardworking guy from the canned fish/ oil derrick capital of Wilmington, California and District 11 Supervisor (Excelsior,Ingleside, Crocker-Amazon, Oceanview), who legitimately seems into making the city a better place for everyone, not just the usual suspects. He also seems the most real and he’s super progressive. He’s behind stuff like tenant’s rights, making transit more sustainable, queer advocacy, social justice, etc. He’s cool. Vote for him. ¡Vamanos chavos! ¡AVALOS!

For more on John, check out our Q&A.  You can also check out his site.

For the other two choices, the League ranks TERRY BAUM and JEFF ADACHI at the number two and three spots respectively. Unfortunately, we never got to synch up with Terry or Jeff, but def check out what they have to say about them.

…. and whatever you do, DON’T VOTE FOR ED LEE! Yes, we know he looks like a friendly Chinese Tom Bosley, but you’ll have to trust us on this one.

DISTRICT ATTORNEY

We think most people would agree with the League’s contention that electing George Gascón officially as D.A. seems just a little like a film noir/ comic book plotline. Probs not a good idea.

The League recommends:

1. DAVID ONEK– lawyer who’s been on the job as well, but who also advocates keeping at-risk youth out of the can. He is also into a more community-involved approach to law enforcement, which would be novel at the very least.

2. SHARMIN BOCK– neighbourhood girl from San Francisco, she serves as the ADA for Alameda County. And she opposes the death penalty.

3. NO CHOICE and yes, you can leave it blank.

SHERIFF

ROSS MIRKARIMI– Ross is an awesome supervisor, as anyone who lives in the Western Addition knows. He’s got progressive politics and opposed that lame sit/lie bullshit.

The League recommends leaving No. 2 and No. 3 slots BLANK.

PROPOSITION A- SCHOOL BONDS: YES

If you know anyone who works in SFUSD or have kids that are in it, you’ll know that the city’s schools could use a little work infrastructure wise. Well, they need work all over the place, but that’s another ball of wax.

PROPOSITION B- ROAD REPAVING AND STREET SAFETY BOND: YES

Like the rest of our great country, the city’s roads are turning into gravel pits. If you have ever been on a bike, in a cab, or on a bus in San Francisco, we don’t really need to explain this one.

PROPOSITION C- CITY PENSION AND HEALTH CARE BENEFITS: YES

The League has a nice chart of pros and cons of Props C & D. Both props are weak, but at least this one has the unions involved and isn’t gonna get cut to ribbons legally after we vote for it.

PROPOSITION D- NO

See above.

PROPOSITION E- AMENDING OR REPEALING LEGISLATIVE INITIATIVE ORDINANCES AND DECLARATIONS OF POLICY: NO

Uh, duh. We’d have more voting power if we walked into a booth wearing a blindfold.

PROPOSITION F- CAMPAIGN CONSULTANT ORDINANCE: NO

Let’s just say that campaign ethics have a long tradition of being a problem area in this town. This prop let’s the Ethics Commission make decisions without voter approval. We know SF is losing a lot of it’s institutions but Bay to Breakers and Dungeness crabs seem more worth saving then shady back room politco shit.

PROPOSITION G- SALES TAX: YES

Granted most taxes are just a tad lopsided in the way they are applied, but at least this taxes everyone and not just us with no money. Yes, it keeps the sales tax at 9.5%, but at least .05% will go straight to the city’s kitty and help prevent any more of those fun cutbacks.

PROPOSITION H- SCHOOL DISTRICT STUDENT ASSIGNMENT: NO

This sounds good on paper, but that’s about it. The way that kids are assigned to schools in this town is fucked up, but this probably is going to do little to help and more likely will only make things worse. The only thing it really does it keep things out of sight and out of mind, which is an unfortunate trend around here these days. Funny how that diversity talk tends to evaporate in this department.

Well there it is kids. Now go out and vote. You live in San Francisco- voting here is culturally mandatory besides being, well…oh just go vote already. If you don’t, you’re just a lame person.

And, to reward you for your good citizenship, here is our super list for the gin bins in town that are hosting election night mayhem or giving away free booze and discounts with your proof of vote.