The Best Things to do in San Francisco for Under $20 on New Year’s Eve

Congrats on another year closer to death, broke-asses!

I spent most of my Christmas Eve in flying metal tube limbo on my way to see family. When I stepped off the plane for a layover in Vegas, no joke, there was a huge pile of shit that even the industrious stain-hiding carpet said, “Oh, hell no!” to. Human or reindeer, it’s anyone’s guess.

Despite being surrounded by slot machines, UGG boots, and sober adults wearing Santa hats, it made me feel like I was home. Which made me remember–Oh! I should start thinking about New Year’s plans! And then I got sucked into the Land That Time Forgot and just now happened to look at a calendar. Shiiiiiiit again. It’s time to figure this out! If 2014 is anything like 2013, I want to get on her good side right from the start.

So darling broke-asses, what are you doing for New Year’s Eve?

My back-up plan is to ride around MUNI all night (it’s FREE! cable cars too!) with a jug of homemade champagne, flinging DIY confetti made out of old transfers, and banging on the poles with a rusty fork.

But I also might spend that crisp $20 that my grandma gave me and get a little wild.

(All the events below are $20 or less. Click the links for more details. Some events might sell out, so pre-buy your ticket(s).)

Soul Dancing!

Virgil’s Soul Room NYE 60’s Soul Party
Virgil’s Sea Room, 3152 Mission St.
FREE (FREE Fernet toast at midnight)

Teenage Dance Craze Soul Party
The Knockout, 3223 Mission St.
$10

(the) New Year’s Eve Night Soul Party (Masquerade Ball)
Elbo Room, 647 Valencia St.
$20 advance ($25 at the door)

80s dancing!

1984 NYE – All 80s Party
Project One Gallery, 251 Rhode Island St.
$10 presale tickets (FREE champagne toast; FREE bar from 9-10PM)

80s NYE 2014
Cat Club, 1190 Folsom St.
$20 advance ticket (FREE champagne toast at midnight)

More dancing!

Champagne Showers: NYE at the Lex
The Lexington Club, 3464 19th Street
FREE (FREE champagne toast at midnight)

NYE with DJ Hazmat
The Lookout, 3600 16th St.
$5 before 10:30PM,$8 after (FREE champagne toast at midnight)

Blow In 2104
Edinburgh Castle, 950 Geary Av.
FREE before 9PM, $10 after

The No Theme Super New Years Dance Jam
Madrone Bar, 500 Divisadero St.
$10

Mango New Year’s Party
El Rio, 3158 Mission St.
$15/door — see pre-sale details (FREE champagne toast at midnight)

NYE featuring DJ Jah Yzer
Milk Bar, 1840 Haight St.
$20 (FREE Absolut vodka bar 9-10PM)

Live Music!

Lavay Smith, Chris Siebert, and Charlie Siebert (jazz/blues vocals, organ, and guitar)
The Royal Cuckoo, 3202 Mission St.
FREE

NYE with The Remones (Ramones cover band)
The Riptide, 3639 Tarval St.
FREE (FREE champagne Jell-O shots at midnight)

NYE Bash with Glitter Wizard, Pins of Light, and Owl
Hemlock, 1131 Polk St.
$12 adv/$15 door (FREE champagne toast)

Loving Cup NYE with French Cassettes, Sugar Candy Mountain, Fpod Bpod, and Jjaaxxnn
Amnesia, 853 Valencia St.
$15 (FREE champagne toast)

Live music and games!

New Year’s Eve with American Tripps
Talking Heads cover band, DJs, skeeball, and ping pong!
Folsom Street Foundry, 1425 Folsom St (at 10th St.)
$15-20

Explosions in the sky!

Fireworks!
Along the Embarcadero
FREE

Bar-free activities!

Sierra Singles Hike to Fireworks
FREE (RSVP req. See details in link)

SF Zen Center
temple cleaning, noodle soup, meditation followed by bonfire
SF Zen City Center, 300 Page St.
Donation suggested