Brilliant Tactician Trump Tells Republicans To Stop Voting

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We do not pay much attention to the double-decker sandwiches of baloney and horsecrap  served as “statements” on former president Trump’s website. After all, he is kicked off Twitter and Facebook, and there is no need to amplify his rambling, fascist nonsense.  But in this case, we are definitely making an exception, and we hope every single Republican in the entire United States of America hears and heeds his advice on this one.


On his poorly designed, low-traffic website that he uses now that is banned from social media, Trump posted the following statement on Wednesday afternoon: 

If we don’t solve the Presidential Election Fraud of 2020 (which we have thoroughly and conclusively documented), Republicans will not be voting in ‘22 or ‘24. It is the single most important thing for Republicans to do.

You heard the man, Republicans! “Republicans will not be voting in ‘22 or ‘24.” He said that refusing to vote is “the single most important thing for Republicans to do,”and so you’d better believe it is your patriotic duty as conservative Americans to not vote in 2022 or 2024, just like Trump said, and please please do not throw us in the briar patch.

The Democrats certainly have their problems, struggling to bridge differences between moderate and progressive wings with just a hair-thin majority. But the Republicans are screwed absolutely stupid by this guy’s behavior. Here he is, the most influential figure in the party, literally telling GOP voters to not vote in upcoming major elections. Every Mitch McConnell, Ted Cruz, and other Republican elected official has to go along with this, because they are Trump’s bitches, and they will let him immolate their careers just because he’s still pissed that he lost in 2020.

And yes, it is Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’ 32nd birthday today, but we are skeptical of the theory that this was a gift to her.

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Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura- Millionaire in Training

Joe Kukura is a two-bit marketing writer who excels at the homoerotic double-entendre. He is training to run a full marathon completely drunk and high, and his work has appeared in the New York Times and Wall Street Journal on days when their editors made particularly curious decisions.