This One’s Just for The Cissies

Cisgender folks can support transgender folks this Pride. (Kyle)

BY MATTHEW BELD

Circle up cisgender folks. Oh, happy Pride month. Isn’t it fun? I can hear the unasked questions bouncing between your tonsils. Questions about my genitalia, or a hungry curiosity surrounding my they/them pronouns or the stubble under my admittedly sloppy makeup. Even in the age of TikTok and extensive YouTube tutorials, I can’t quite figure makeup out yet. We’re doing what we can with what we have, which is a shaky lip line and some blunt, 80s blush. 

I’m sorry, but I won’t be answering any of your questions, because they’re fucking awful. At least, I won’t answer them without some extensive friendship building or good faith necessity. But what you want to ask about, what you’re interested in — outside of gross, social voyeurism — is: What is being trans like? What do these possible markers of transness mean? 

And, my inquisitive cissies, I’m here to tell you there is no monolithic trans experience. The meanings behind pronouns and anatomy and fashion are so vast no general statement can be made about what any of them mean. I will tell you, though, that gender euphoria is about a core experience for transness as can be described. 

Yes, the experience of delight from putting on a skirt or seeing your chest flat for the first time might seem trivial, but please keep in mind that this experience may be the first time a trans person has ever felt those feelings in their life. Gender euphoria is different for everyone. For me, I feel physically lighter. I open my eyes halfway through a sailor scout transformation and am ready to face anything. Gender euphoria can be a clarion bell ringing through your being or the gentle quieting of a dissonant siren. 

Anyone can experience these euphoric feelings. But, much like affirmation procedures, the weight of the discussion around gender euphoria is placed on the (very tired) shoulders of trans folks. It’s a very simple concept that you’ve probably known most of your life, and I’m going to ask you to remember the first time you felt it, now. 

Cis allies near, far, wherever you are, try to remember the first article of clothing that made you feel powerful. It might have happened so long ago for yourself that you’ve forgotten, but try. Remember the shade of eyeshadow that made you feel unstoppable or desirable or invisible, if that’s what you’re after. Hold that memory within yourself, then extend it towards a trans person. Don’t we deserve the possibility of contentment? The chance to feel at ease in our bodies and within society? To me, that is the heart of being trans non-binary–fighting for the chance to eschew male and female and show up in the world as I truly am, without fear. I’m not begging you to recognize my humanity. I’m asking you to remember yours. So this Pride month, shut your goddamn mouths about whether or not I have a penis and practice your basic human empathy.

Matthew Beld is a trans non-binary writer and comedian who lives in San Francisco. They work in queer public health research and they love stories about gender, health, and sexuality.