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Sinkhole Pops Up On Fillmore Street In Pacific Heights & Other Bay Area News

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The Bay Area is a place with a lot going on and it’s easy to be overwhelmed by all the articles and talking heads. So I’ve done a quick summary of some of the most important shit happening in the Bay Area right now.

Sinkhole Pops Up On Fillmore Street In Pac Heights:

God hates rich people. Just kidding, they made God up because what’s scarier than a surveillance camera aimed at your soul? But if God did exist and wanted to piss off the wealthy, a sinkhole in Pac Heights is a fantastic way to start. 

The intersection of Fillmore and Union Street in the neighborhood colloquially known as “billionaires’ row” is now a Gears of War-style emergence hole and Locusts have crawled out of it to reclaim the City. Not locusts as in the Biblical sense, but locusts as in the enemies in the video game Gears of War from 2006. I loved that game.  The real cause of the sinkhole was a broken water main. Crews are currently working to fix the pipe and the sinkhole, but expect temporary service interruptions if you live or work in the area. 

Marc Benioff Threatens To Take Dreamforce Out Of San Francisco:

Remember Marc Benioff? How could you forget him? He’s the tall white guy who owns Salesforce. He is kind of shaped like me. He also owns that dick shaped tower in the sky. Even though he’s tried to tie himself to the city, he’s now threatening to take Dreamforce out of San Francisco due to drug users and homelessness. This is definitely a pivot for a guy who was so bullish on San Francisco, he insisted on the address for the Salesforce Tower to be 415 Mission Street. I’m not kidding, it’s really 415 Mission Street. 

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Masked Man Says It’s Hammer Time To Cruise Car:

A masked man dressed in all black beat the shit out of a Cruise vehicle in Lower Haight. And to be honest, I’m not mad. I understand A.I. is a cool and exciting technology, but I also understand how our system works and I’m not exactly excited for the economic repercussions artificial intelligence will have on workers. By the way, Stuart was the guy who broke this story, so shout out to him. 

Oakland Is Dealing With A Violent Crime Surge And People Are Blaming The District Attorney: 

Does that sound familiar, San Francisco? Well, it should only sound slightly familiar because San Francisco’s violent crime surge was largely made up. Oakland’s is unfortunately real. There have been 8 shootings in Oakland since Friday and 4 people have died as a result. People are blaming Pamela Price and that makes no sense because Oakland has had a serious issue with violent crime since the 1960s, which, in case you weren’t aware, was before Pamela Price was in office. My only hope is that Oakland doesn’t pass 100 murder mark this year, but that’s unlikely. 

This is the first time I’ve done a news roundup article. If you like me covering news in this style, let us know in the comments!





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Abraham Woodliff - Bay Area Memelord

Abraham Woodliff - Bay Area Memelord

Abraham Woodliff is an Oakland-based writer, editor and digital content creator known for Bay Area Memes, a local meme page that has amassed nearly 200k followers. His work has appeared in SFGATE, The Bold Italic and of course, His book of short stories, personal essays and poetry entitled Don't Drown on Dry Ground is available now!