You Can’t be Buried in SF and Other Things to Think About When You Die
We don’t bury people in San Francisco (any more). So where are the dead interred in the Bay Area? And why is Oakland’s Chapel of the Chimes Columbarium so goddamn beautiful?
Content note: We might make some dark jokes in this piece. All due respect to the dead.
Why Can’t You Be Buried in SF?
Unless you’ve got a well-connected family with a pre-established burial plot in the Presidio or a devilish arch-nemesis / serial killer willing to break the law (must have shovel), there’s no way you’re going to be buried in San Francisco. You might score a spot for your urn at the SF Columbarium, but who knows? Since 1902 it’s been illegal to bury our dead here, largely due to space and sanitation.
Instead, a lot of San Franciscans joke, “City ‘til they move me to Colma.” That’s in reference to the early 20th century project of moving all the dead folks from San Francisco to other sanctified grounds.
One place where you still might run into, or rather, walk over the dead, is Lincoln Park. There, 20,000 unmarked graves sit under two monuments: one to Chinese bones who never made it back to China, the other to sailor bones. There’s also a Columbarium in the Richmond and a few graves at Mission Dolores.
Planning Your Afterlife
A lot of us hardly have a will to live, let alone a will & testament. Funeral planning is at the back of the to-do list, behind holding on to tenuous rent-controlled apartments, trying to stay ahead of the layoffs and AI job displacement, and feeding our families as grocery stores close and corporations gouge up prices.
But it’s that time of year when the veil between the living world and that of the dead is thin, so maybe it’s time to think a little more about planning for your afterlife. If not for your sake, then for that of those you leave behind.
Funeral Planning
Part of funeral planning is deciding whether you want to be toasted or get the classic 6 Feet Under (damn, sounds like we’re ordering a sandwich). A more modern option is getting buried under a tree, but remember that tree mortality is high and wildfires are always a risk. If you really want a living monument to the fact that you existed, you could always hire an impersonator to spook your guests at the memorial.
Jokes aside, the two traditional options are cremation or a casket. Cremations are more affordable. And contrary to popular belief, many religions including Catholicism do allow for cremation. But other religions like Islam and Judaism are pretty adamant about traditional burial, so check with both your wallet and your preferred religious holy person before making arrangements.
Cremation doesn’t include a permanent resting place. If you think your family will hold onto the urn for generations to come without accidentally breaking it or mistaking it for kitty litter, go for it. But another option is something called a columbarium. And boy, oh boy, are there some nice options.
Strange Library
The Chapel of the Chimes in Oakland is one of the prettiest, most serene resting places you could imagine. The soft light through the windows makes it look like you’re in heaven. And many of the urns are shaped like books.
Don’t know what shape you want? No pressure, but urns are meant to be the next form of your soul. According to one urn wholesaler, “the urn you select becomes a sacred vessel that tells your loved one’s story, playing a crucial role in your healing journey.” The book ones are pretty slick, but you can’t go wrong with a classic vase. Some of them even looked like trophies, which could be nice for aging millennials and those who are into sports.
Other Options for Ashes
If you decide you want your ashes spread, make sure you have a good idea of where and permission for your loved ones to do it. Yosemite National Park, for example, asks that you fill out a permission slip and get it over to the park ranger. Cute. And you could spread ‘em at sea, but it must be over 3 nautical miles from shore and then your loved ones have 30 days to report it to the EPA.
You could also go old-school like the Victorians and have mourning jewelry made. Very goth. Very chic. Just get a professional to add the ashes to the metal because nobody likes a DIY gone wrong.
When we were at the Chapel of the Chimes, they were handing out candy to trick-or-treaters; it’s nice to know that you might still participate in such worldly traditions as a ghost.
Howdy! My name is Katy Atchison and I'm an Associate Editor for Broke-Ass Stuart.
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