Broke-Ass Porn: The Most Money You’ve Ever Seen

Once a week we present Broke-Ass Porn.  It’s visually stimulating material for the financially impaired.  If this shit doesn’t get you going, you’re not as broke as you thought:

Seriously.  If I had all this loot, I’d never talk to any of you again…ever. I’d be too busy doing Scrooge McDuck backstrokes all day long. Holy shit, my hands are trembling as I’m thinking about it.  This might be the best Broke-Ass Porn we’ve had yet.  What can be sexier to a broke-ass than this photo?

So, let’s make this interactive now.  Imagine you woke up to this in your living room, what are the first few things you’d spend your money on?  Leave your comments down below.

You know what the first thing I’d purchase would be?  Detroit.  Yup, the whole fucking city!  Just because I could.  Plus, buying it wouldn’t even put a dent in to that fortune.  I mean really, how much could Detroit cost anyways?

ps Thanks Dylan for this photo!

pps Did you know that Detroit’s motto is Speramus Meliora Resurget Cineribus which translates to, “We hope for better things; it will arise from the ashes”?  The fucked up thing about this is that it’s been Detroit’s motto since 1805.  I’m not even kidding.

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About the author

Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

I've been called "an Underground legend": SF Chronicle , "an SF cult hero": SF Bay Guardian, and "the chief of cheap": Time Out New York, but to those familiar with my work, I'm just "that douchebag who writes books about cheap stuff and drinks a lot".

12 Comments

  1. I’d buy Detroit from you for $5 more. You would think you are turning a nifty little profit because you’d still be in Broke-Ass Land in mindspace.

  2. Bruce Joaquin says:

    Tequila, plane tickets, house, more plane tickets, then a new pair of jeans.

  3. Devon says:

    I’d by a mother fucking boat. The I would make sure T-Pain was NOT invited. An beer. A Big ass boat and beer. When I say beer, I mean a beer company, I’d buy Stella, because it sounds pretentious. An pretentious beer and a boat go together… And a Spear gun.

  4. Amuse bouche guy says:

    I’d buy Microsoft and invest in research for a fuckin’ awesome new operating system that would function perfectly.

    Nobody would believe it, thus no one would buy it, and it would be the end of Microsoft.

  5. Jack says:

    I’d buy a midget to walk behind me with a boom box playing the Darth Vader music whenever I entered a room and the Jimi Hendrix version of “All Along the Watchtower” when I walked places. That one’s because you feel like you’re going to accomplish some important shit when walking somewhere listening to that. Then the ordinary shit, the motorcycle I want, some suits, houses, boats, investments, all that shit.

  6. Lili says:

    i’d buy Darth Vader. and then make him dance for me. dance, Darth, dance!

  7. Do you think he needs an asthma inhaler when he dances?

  8. Steve says:

    I would buy a chain of mexican restaurants, preferably Qdoba. then I would take the world’s largest cycling tour of garage sales and have everything i buy shipped to my new house in Patagonia. I’ll fly there some time this year.

  9. Dtvail says:

    Crack ! of course. 

  10. Whynot says:

    I think id buy a gold plated car and some awseome bling and watch peoples jaws drop just for fun

  11. golon says:

    that is a lot of ******* money

  12. Jon doe says:

    I’d buy the playboy mansion, and then id buy out trojan condoms, and id buy a peacock so it could fly me to europe

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