By Martin Shen
For the first time in my life I feel old. Not like forty-old. My joints don’t hurt just yet. And, I’m definitely not thinking about my 401k. I still feel reasonably irresponsible and reckless enough, but there’s something about no longer being in your early twenties that is cause for concern.
For starters, my body just doesn’t recover from hangovers like it used to. Now what used to take a few hours is now a full fledged day of hydration and recovery. Also, my metabolism is slowing down. Gone are the days where I could stuff my face all the time with cheeseburgers and french fries. I’ll miss you In n’ Out. Asking my parents for money just doesn’t seem like a reasonable request anymore.
Even more disturbing are the questions my parents, more accomplished friends and I ask: What am I doing with my life? Why am I paying rent to live in one of the most expensive cities in the world, living paycheck to paycheck and blowing thousands of dollars a year on rent. Was my studio apartment really as awesome as I thought it was? Is my job really that impressive to other people? What do my friends really think about me?
The quarter life crisis. The standard phase in any first-world twenty something’s life. We’re all so egotistical and full of self-loathing it would make people with “real problems” nauseous.
So to all of you San Franciscan’s out there asking yourself the same questions, here are 5 signs to help you out and let you know if you’re hitting your quarter life crisis:
1. You’ve Turned to Dating Extremes
Your single status is just no longer acceptable. You’ve registered for just about every dating service out there. OKCupid, Match, Grouper and Tinder are checked on the daily. It’s all about quantity. SF dating etiquette is out the window. You will find a sig niff if it’s the last thing you do.
2. The Startup Folk Around You Depress You
‘The Next Facebook’ used to excite you but now it’s just a reminder of how little you’ve accomplished compared to your peers. You’re considering boycotting Lyft and Sidecar because their success depresses you.
3. Going to Burning Man, Quitting Facebook & Moving to India
You’re going to do something life changing … soon. It’s going to make you a better person. You know it. Goodbye Facebook, hello real life social interaction. You’re considering what’s will change you: Is it Grad school? Is it meditation? LSD? Burning Man? India?
4. #Inspiring #Motivation on Instagram
You need #inspiring and #motivation to get you through your day. Something about that pretty picture on Pinterest gives you that glimmer of hope.
5. HBO Girl’s is Hitting a Little Too Close to Home
Every Sunday, you curl up around your Macbook (of course you don’t have a TV), borrow your parent’s HBO Go password and watch Girls. You simultaneously like it because it’s relatable but hate it because it’s relatable. You’ll watch at least to the end of this season.
Don’t worry San Francisco.
You know you come out of this all enlightened and shit.