NY: Where Not to Order Specialty Martini’s…The Holland Bar

I went to Holland Bar to verify a NY Times article.  I left thinking it was like Cheers. Not cable TV, Beacon Hill, Boston Cheers. This is “HBO Special” Hell’s Kitchen Cheers.  The “Open” sign on the door was hand written on a half-sheet of computer paper.  The Spartan selection tucked behind the plywood bar (carpenters’ pencil notes visible) is for drinkers, not smancy mixologist followers.  Draft beer: Bud or McSorley’s.  Bottle: Bud or Coors.  There are a few wooden liquor shelves hung into the brickwork. The other day one fell off the wall.  “Top shelf” liquor: a single bottle of Hennessey and Southern Comfort.

Before 5 pm, lifetime barflies exchange stories and rehash personal dramas, while muted horse racing plays on the tele. Everyone knows everyone.  The jukebox is silent.  An after work crowd came in around 5 and schooled like fish near the entrance. Old DMX curb kicked the speakers.

As if it needed anything more, The Holland boasts Doctor Bill, the white-haired legend with a family physician’s bar side manner, behind the plywood.  A plaque announces “The Doctor is in'”. I guarantee he couldn’t make a cosmo, which is so excellent.

Author note: I would be lying if I didn’t admit to having reservations about writing this, but I know Broke-Ass readers are a better lot than DailyCandy-ites and Frommer’s buyers. I’ll blame the NY Times if this place experiences a sudden and dramatic shift in clientele, but just remember responsible patronage.  You should check out Broke-Ass Stuart’s review of it here or just buy his damn book.