S.A.D.D.- Seasonal Affective Dating Disorder
A friend and I were recently having a discussion on which seasons are better to have a significant other. He argues that Summer = the worst, and Winter = the best. I, on the other hand, think it can be the worst all year round, if you really think about it! Let’s take a walk down to the land of terrible memories and potential nightmares, shall we? I guess we can talk about pros, too.
To paraphrase Camera Obscura: This maudlin career has come to an end, I don’t wanna be S.A.D.D. (Seasonal Affective Dating Disordered, that is!) again…
I’d argue, there’s no better time to live than in this season, especially in New York City. I guess it’s your preferred form of living that really matters here.
Pro #1: There are a TON of activities during the summer; many of which involve taking off your clothes. If you’re beginning a new relationship, it can more efficiently expedite the process of you getting laid NOW.
Con #1: Taking off your clothes amongst others can lead to the ‘ol wandering eye…which can make you re-consider the benefits of this whole monogamy thing you’ve signed up for.
Pro #2: You always more or less, have someone (because they’re sorta obligated) to go to the park with.
Con#2; SWEATY LAYING ON EACH OTHER. As we all know, this makes me sick. I say, this is a deal-breaker. I don’t even want to LOOK at OTHER people doing it, much less have to deal with it on my own specific skin.
It’s cooler, and perhaps YOU’VE even cooled down, you fucking sex-crazed maniac. Ostensibly.
Pro #1: Usually, this is the time when people start going to museums more. Perhaps this will foster more interesting conversations between you and your significant other, thereby strengthening and deepening your bond. Or….
Con #1: This is usually where summer flings end. The honeymoon is over, your sense of unpredictable fun is perhaps a bit watered down. Perhaps you’ve realized that the person you thought was exciting and fun-loving is actually a manic drama queen who has no sense of reality! Or maybe they’re just way more boring than you realized, taken out of a fun context. Either way, you want to get the hell out of there.
Old man winter. Ye Olde Jack Frost. And I don’t mean that weird Michael Keaton movie. Or do I? YOU be the judge…of your own future. Bwahahahaha!!!
Pro #1: Because you have someone to be with indoors, you maybe don’t feel as compelled to drag your ass out in the snow/rain, get shitfaced, and sleep with someone that’s only marginally okay.
Con #2: If you haven’t broken up with this person that you’re possibly already sick of by Fall, you’re DEFINITELY going totally insane now. Essentially, you’re STUCK. Stuck INSIDE ALL THE TIME, no less, with this person. It’s like one of those be careful what you wish for-type things. Like Homer and the monkey hand in that one Treehouse of Horror episode or that one episode of the Twilight Zone where that guy wishes there was no one left on earth and then he eats a bunch of ice cream but then gets really bored or something. Incidentally, someone really needs to put that shit in a cohesive DVD set.
Pro#1: Ostensibly, having a significant other over the winter means you won’t not have a date for Christmas parties or New Years Eve.
Con#2: You might have to deal with your significant other’s family over the holidays. Now there’s some extra relationship pressure nobody needed!
Con #3: If a fight was to erupt, it’s definitely going to rear its head at these high-pressured so-called holidays! While everyone is getting drunk and having fun, you’ll be fighting with your significant other the whole time and cursing the day you met. Ah, life.
Pro #1: You’ve gotten THIS far. So, I guess that means you’ve accomplished something. Or…
Con#2: It means you’ve been horribly complacent and wasted your precious youth on some clown!
Pro #1: It’s slightly warmer than winter, so now you can start going outdoors with your significant other again instead of wishing you could beat yourself to death with your noisy heater pipe. It’s kind of like the light at the end of the tunnel.
Con #2: It’s only a matter of days now before you start getting that itch to break free from your chains of monogamy. The circle of life!