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Broke-Ass Porn: Hot Sauce

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Once a week we present Broke-Ass Porn.  It’s visually stimulating material for the financially impaired.  If this shit doesn’t get you going, you’re not as broke as you thought:

Whether it’s Tapatio, Sriracha, Cholula, Frank’s Red Hot, or simple ass Tabasco, every broke-ass needs a way to spice up their food.  Let’s face it, those seasoning packages that come with top ramen never fully do the trick.  I’m personally a Tapatio man myself, but certain situations call for certain sauces.  For example, Sriracha goes much better with Vietnamese food than Frank’s Red Hot does, and Tabasco just pretty much sucks.  There I said it, TABASCO SUCKS!  Let the hate mail start pouring in.  Wack ass vinegary tasting shit.

I’m so partial to Tapatio that I brought some with me when I moved to New York.  I was worried that they wouldn’t have it.  Luckily I found a few bodegas in my neighborhood that did.  Otherwise I would’ve been a very sad boy.  I even like to put Tapatio on popcorn.

So what’s your favorite hot sauce and what’s the weirdest thing you put it on?  Leave your answers below in the comment section and let’s see whose got the best, worst, and weirdest tastes.

Also look at this amazing mini Sriracha bottle that goes on your keychain! You can get it here.

sriracha

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Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

I've been called "an Underground legend": SF Chronicle , "an SF cult hero": SF Bay Guardian, and "the chief of cheap": Time Out New York, but to those familiar with my work, I'm just "that douchebag who writes books about cheap stuff and drinks a lot".

22 Comments

  1. Jon
    June 20, 2009 at 2:18 pm

    tapatio on popcorn is fucking delicious.

  2. Monica Miller - The Intern
    June 20, 2009 at 4:59 pm

    i’m a crystal girl myself, but good goddamn, that is making me want some tacos just so i can enjoy the hot sauce.

  3. Cathee
    June 21, 2009 at 3:33 pm

    I love Franks in chowder.

  4. aly
    July 2, 2009 at 3:49 pm

    Even though tobasco does suck, i put it all over my boxed macaroni and cheese. its pretty much unbelievable.

  5. Godlesscupcake
    August 17, 2009 at 8:14 pm

    I used to be a hardcore Tapatio fan but then I wavered and now I like to put Blake’s After Death sauce (yes, that’s what it’s called)on a variety of things, but only if I feel like having something be eye watering hot. Also, El Yucateco is good on mexican food (duh) and Trader Joe’s Jalapeno Pepper Hot Sauce is surprisingly good on just about anything, including vegan cheesy popcorn.

    • Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap
      August 18, 2009 at 12:55 pm

      I also love Valentina and Chalula. My lady is from near Rochester and Buffalo, so last time she visited her folks she brought back a bottle of buffalo sauce from the Anchor Bar, which is where Buffalo Wings were invented. Holy Christ! I’ve been putting it on everything!

  6. July 10, 2010 at 10:58 am

    i use tabasco in condensed soup (campbell’s chicken noodle with some tabasco- delicious). it dissolves perfectly. i’m pretty loyal to sriracha for every other occasion. i make burritos with sriracha. and i dip french fries in mayo mixed with sriracha- so good.

  7. half_a_Jap
    July 10, 2010 at 10:58 am

    Mine is Scorpion sauce, made from habaneros; the hottest. Just 5 drops in a large pot of beans makes the whole thing blazing hot. Can’t remember where I ordered it from; probably salsaexpress.com.

    Tabasco has several other hot sauces out now. Check tabasco.com. I like their steak sauces & the habanero.

    • Elegantegoist
      May 6, 2011 at 6:59 pm

      5 drops of habanero…hot? Get ghost pepper sauce, pussy.

  8. July 10, 2010 at 11:50 am

    Valentina mexican hot sauce effin OWNS! It good on almost anything. Sriracha may be the best tho b/c its goes with everything, as well.
    Original tabasco does suck.

  9. Josh
    July 10, 2010 at 12:00 pm

    Hot sauce on peanut butter or on bagels with cream cheese. Oh yeah.

  10. July 10, 2010 at 12:08 pm

    Like you, I have different hot sauces for different circumstances. On eggs I prefer the spicy sweetness of Tiger Tiger brand Thai sriracha, but on Vietnamese and Thai food I like the rooster sriracha. I will eat Crystal hot sauce on almost anything; it’s especially good on pasta and pizza or in a cold can of PBR with salt on the rim. I love Tapatio on Mexican food. And I loathe Tabasco to the point that I will do without if it’s the only available option.

  11. July 12, 2010 at 1:11 pm

    Amen on the Valentina – I put that stuff on everything. Valentina & Sriacha are really the only thing you need. Maybe some franks for your eggs. that’s it. Tobasco definitely blows.

  12. July 17, 2010 at 7:24 am

    I always have two or three bottles of Tapatío in the fridge in case I run low. A common refrain in the house: “Eeeeew! Mom, Dad put hot sauce on his (insert food item here)!” Most recently it was vanilla ice cream.

  13. Mikey
    August 9, 2010 at 5:26 pm

    I use Tapatio on each forkful of Spaghetti…

  14. Katia
    August 7, 2011 at 3:22 pm

    Louisiana Crystal Hot Sauce here, 99 cents for… 6 oz? at a liquor store that’s near my youth center.

  15. dawdler
    June 26, 2017 at 1:38 pm

    Cholula is my #1. Tapatio and Valentina will do great as well.

    Tabasco and Sriracha not so good (IMHO)

  16. UrBear
    June 26, 2017 at 1:48 pm

    My boyfriend is from New Orleans, and puts hot sauce on EVERYTHING. Both of us agree with your evaluation of Tabasco; it’s vinegary crap. We keep bottles of Cholula, Tapatio, and Sriracha on hand for various specialized purposes, but our day-to-day go-to condiment is The Pepper Plant Habaneros sauce. It has a nice kick to it, much more so than he others I mentioned, but not so much as to be overwhelming. It’s a little hard to find — Rainbow Grocery has it, as does Harvest Ranch Market in the Castro.