9 Last-Minute Halloween Costumes That Aren’t Lady Gaga

For some of us (me), Halloween is one of the best holidays ever invented, because it has candy, costumes, drunkenness, and absolutely no references to Jesus (unless you go as Jesus, which wouldn’t be weird at all). However, I hear that some people find the whole costume part a big pain. If you belong to this latter category, I have some costume suggestions that are fairly cheap and/or easy to throw together last-minute, none of which are Lady Gaga.

1) Twin dead girls from The Shining

One of the nice things about this is that whenever you have to be in a picture, you can just stare vacantly at the camera. Come plaaaayyy with us Dannnnnnyyy. Ah!

2) Couples costume: Sid and Nancy!

What is cuter than THAT, couples. It’s a reminder that maybe, some day, you guys will be together long enough to watch the other die.

3) Weak dollar

This only works if you have absolutely no upper body strength and it is pitifully obvious. Otherwise, you are a dollar of normal muscle build, and that is not topical or funny at all.

To make: find a picture of a dollar bill, save it to a flash drive, print out two copies (one of the front, one of the back) on the extra large color printers at Kinkos. Wear them like a sandwich board, with nondescript black or green clothes underneath, and make sure your pathetic, puny arms are showing.

4) Cheap, last minute: Greek god/goddess

Literally anyone can throw this together with a bed sheet or two. It’s not very inventive, but it’s way better than a cat, mouse, or witch.

5) Your roommate, best friend, or sibling

Parody is the highest form of flattery, so borrow some of their clothes, and go as your roommate, sister, or whoever. They won’t miiiiind. Unless your parody involves a fat suit, and then they may never talk to you again.

6) Hobo version of any superhero

My friend was “hobo Batman” one year and it was awesome and super cheap. This works especially well if your physique in no way resembles that of any super hero. Just buy the most generic basics for the costume (cape, tights, shiny underpants, utility belt), get them really dirty and stained, make sure they do not fit correctly or are slightly askew, and then walk around with your gut out drinking liquor from a bag.

7) Christopher Walken from The Deer Hunter

Scariest movie EVER. All you need is a white, collared shirt, a fake gun (or a real one, if you are in one of those states that allows that kind of thing) and a bright red blindfold.

8)Antoine Dodson

This one is not for the caucasians, as that miiiiiight be a little racist.

9) Hipster Hitler

Is it offensive to go as a hipster version of Herr Fuhrer? Or are all those “offended” people really just jealous they are not as cool and unique as you?