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Weird Observations About Having A Job

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The Beginning of Your Day

Have you ever noticed how hard it is to wake up in the morning? I could wake up as The Hulk and still not muster up the strength it takes to get out of bed. It’s one of the many atrocities of life. Find someone that knows me and they’ll tell you that I love to sleep. It’s the greatest thing in the world. I’m not normal either, because if I don’t get a good 10-12 hours of sleep I can’t function up to my maximum potential. Give me eight hours and I’ll give you a strong output, but anything less and you might as well have handed me some bath salts because I will be a walking zombie. But you know what the worst part of waking up is? It’s knowing that you’re waking up to go to work. Kill me now.

Lunch Etiquette

We work together, so we must lunch together. This will forever make no sense to me whatsoever. Now, I could chalk this up to my horrible to non-existent social skills, but I see this all too often in any workforce arena. I’ll be honest; I go to work to get paid, not to make friends. That’s not to say that I’m not a friendly person, because a lot of times I’m not. However, when I am, I still appreciate my independence. So, when I feel like eating alone or switching from the norm during lunch, please don’t be offended and please don’t give me those dirty looks. I just happen to enjoy stepping out of line, because I’m a rebellious spirit and routine is my kryptonite. Still, if you must insist on eating lunch with me every day because we happen to work together, let’s go sit on the roof while it’s raining and eat our Subway sandwiches in a beach chair under some umbrellas.

End of the Day

The whole day just drags on, and you’re literally on the verge of dying from boredom and lack of energy. Then, all of a sudden, you notice that there’s five minutes left until you get to finally go home. Boom! It’s almost as if you just swallowed a gallon of Five Hour Energy, because a certain pizzazz has just consumed you. There’s an extra pep in your step, and you just feel like you can compete in a triathlon. What’s that about?

Pay Day

It’s one of the few days that you actually feel happy about going to work. You get to pick up that check, or, at least, see that your direct deposit is still coming through in the clutch. It serves as a bit of motivation. Better yet, it’s a reminder that work equals pay. And when you work a lot, you’ll get paid more money. This may help when saving up for that trip to Jupiter you’ve always wanted.

Your Day Off

Why is it that when you’re at work you have a million things you want to do, but when your day off comes, you haven’t the slightest idea of what you want to spend your day doing? Is it because you’re too tired? I don’t know, and neither do you. Personally, I just forget what it is I want to do sometimes. It sucks because you want to enjoy your down time, but time is limited and you feel the need to act quickly and make a decision. Maybe that’s it. Too many things to do, not enough time to decide what it is you want to do. Here’s the solution: request an extra day off from work to give you adequate time to make that decision. Now, which day should you pick?

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Enrique Grijalva - Mr. Minimum Wage

Enrique Grijalva - Mr. Minimum Wage

My father came, my mother saw...and I conquered. I encourage children to do drugs, I buy alcohol for teenagers, and I drink beer with the homeless. In my spare time, I attend art galleries for the FREE booze while rubbing elbows with modish elephants. I also hammer six-inch nails into small penises. Stuart knighted me as Broke-Ass King of New York. You've been warned.