My Favorite Afternoon Delight

Sometimes when you are broke, there are very few ways to indulge in self-gratification. I am thinking of two in particular and I’m pretty sure you can guess what one of them is. If you guessed reading, you are right! You don’t win anything, sorry. But you do get infinite knowledge, bounds of creativity and something to hold up your shit furniture with when you’re done with it.

You are here now, reading this. This leads me to believe you already know how to read. Statistics say this is the hardest part of reading. Congrats, you. If not, then you are straight reading my mind and get out of there! I don’t need anyone in there lingering about, moving shit around without my permission. Also, maybe I should stop eating these mushrooms. They taste like dirt.

As usual, I’m going to help you get what you need in a way that you can afford. I’m talking about books, not drugs. But I think you already knew that. Creepy.

I normally think of reading as a perfect rainy-day, indoor activity. It’s so cozy and perfect to be nuzzled up in pile of blankets with a good book. In reality, reading is great anytime of year. There’s nothing better than getting face-blasted by the sun, book in hand, sweating out all of the toxins from last  weekend’s folly. Get tan and smart! You may never have to go on OkCupid again. That should be inspiration enough right there.

The downfall is, books can be really expensive. The library, bless it’s heart, is a wonderful place full of FREE books that you can borrow. My gripe with the library is that the only thing I hate more than sharing is borrowing. I want everything to be mine, all the time, and I refuse to compromise this value. The library, I’ve found, generally has a “no screaming” policy that I will not subject myself to at any time. You don’t just plan screams. It’s just not my place.

My place, however, is at home reading in bed. Or sometimes in an outdoor place free of people. We have already established that shopping online is important to me. This makes thriftbooks.com my utmost treasured place to procure books.

Not only are the books mostly used, which is preferred for saving money and the yo Mama, this Goddamn planet, but they have FREE shipping too. Some books are even $2 and under! That is actually crazy good in the same way that Egg Nog is crazy good but only around Christmas. Egg Nog is so gross in May. Have you ever tried it? Don’t. Learn from my mistakes. Do as I say, not as I puke.

What are you reading, anyway? Let me know. I’m interested in hoarding all of your favorite stories. Maybe I’ll start my own library. Except no one can borrow my books. You can come over and read them. And you can scream as much as you want. It’s worth it.