Sex and Dating

Happn Lets You Connect with That Mysterious Hottie From Dolores Park

Sign up for the best newsletter EVER!

This post is sponsored by the fine people at Happn. Wanna sponsor a post? Email me at info@BrokeAssStuart.com

hot-people-dolores-park

Happn is a pretty amazing new dating app and here is why:

We’ve all been there. It’s a beautiful sunny day in Dolores Park and you’re already a bottle deep into cheap wine day drinking. Oh damn I gotta pee, you tell your friend as you get up to head towards the wretched bathrooms. You’re dodging doggies underfoot and Frisbees flying high and trying not to stumble over somebody’s picnic when BOOM! you make eye contact with the sexiest goddamn creature in the world. They are even your perfect type, every little detail of them makes your special parts tingle. Good lord! you say out loud to nobody in particular, and then curse your bladder knowing that if you don’t get to that bathroom you will piss yourself right there in front of everyone, and it is too damn early into the day drinking to be doing that. You think, as soon as I’m done peeing I will find that perfect specimen of humanity and when we talk, baby fucking love birds will explode from the sky and trumpets will blare to celebrate our meeting. And then you run off to the bathroom.

Best Newsletter Ever!

Join our weekly newsletter so we can send you awesome freebies, weird events, incredible articles, and gold doubloons (note: one of these is not true).

Walking back, bladder relieved, your perfect person is nowhere to be found and you spend the rest of the day telling your friends about that moment that slipped away.

Luckily, now that Happn exists, this horrifyingly sad scenario will never occur again. That’s because Happn is a new dating app that uses geolocation in real time to connect people as soon as their paths cross. Here’s how it works:

Every time you cross paths with someone who has Happn and who meets your criteria, Happn takes note of it. All you gotta do then is open the app. It keeps track of how many times you come across each other and even lets you know where and when it happened. Been wanting to talk to that hot redhead that always rides the same Muni line as you? Happn lets you! If you click that you “like” them, and they click that they “like” you, Happn connects the two of you and you can start sending amorous love notes the like the Pablo Neruda himself would be jealous of.

happn

And don’t worry about safety and privacy, Happn only lets you know that a person is within 250 meters (820 feet) of you, so you don’t have to worry about Creepy-Face Johnson getting all Creepy-Face Johnson about things.

So go out there an explore! The world is a wondrous place, especially now that you can smile at a sexy stranger and not have to worry about never seeing them again. Happn has got your back.

Download it now so that you never miss your chance again!

 

image from girlfriendpedia.

Like this article? Make sure to sign up for our mailing list so you never miss a goddamn thing!
Previous post

$4 Highballs & Helping 642 Hyde @ the Hump Days with Harvey Happy Hour

Next post

Lady to Lady Live! @ The Make-Out Room Wednesday!


Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

Broke-Ass Stuart - Editor In Cheap

Stuart Schuffman, aka Broke-Ass Stuart, is a travel writer, poet, TV host, activist, and general shit-stirrer. His website BrokeAssStuart.com is one of the most influential arts & culture sites in the San Francisco Bay Area and his freelance writing has been featured in Lonely Planet, Conde Nast Traveler, The Bold Italic, Geek.com and too many other outlets to remember. His weekly column, Broke-Ass City, appears every other Thursday in the San Francisco Examiner. Stuart’s writing has been translated into four languages. In 2011 Stuart created and hosted the travel show Young, Broke, and Beautiful on IFC and in 2015 he ran for Mayor of San Francisco and got nearly 20k votes.

He's been called "an Underground legend": SF Chronicle , "an SF cult hero": SF Bay Guardian, and "the chief of cheap": Time Out New York.

5 Comments

  1. Gene Keenan
    February 25, 2015 at 1:25 pm

    This has been tried so many times in the past and it has been a complete and utter failure. She or he is more likely to be on Tinder which also happens to be location based. But anyways, who are these people anyways? Do people really wait to go to the bathroom until their bladder is literally going to burst? Is this the common case study of a 20 something? I realize this is a paid post but I think they are reaching with this idea. Just another solution seeking a problem. An app is not going to solve the fact that you are a complete wanker when it comes to social skills which is the real reason she got away not because you had to go to the bathroom…

  2. Hannibal Alexander
    February 26, 2015 at 2:51 pm

    HOW MANY FUCKING DATING APPS DO WE NEED!? FOR REAL!!!!

  3. John Caudy
    February 28, 2015 at 3:14 pm

    I think our generation is dealing with the possibility of rejection in intriguing ways. It is human nature to capitalize on what we can. I think capitalizing on humanity’s natural *fear of rejection* only pushes us farther away from evolving past said fear of rejection. I mean ya, it’s a good iDEA; it’s always easier to talk to someone you are attracted to if you “know” they think you’re attractive as well. I think that our generation should more so try using cues such as eye contact, body language etc. in addition to the good ole fashioned go-up-to-him/her-and-introduce-yourself. It would be a shame to see those communication skills dwindle in the wake of the demand for expensive gadgets. I think, in general, people within our age group (the so-called millennials) trick ourselves into seeking “easier” ways to do things without realizing that it may take more time, energy, and effort to depend on dating apps rather than more natural and organic forms of communication. (analogy: It may take more effort to cheat on a test than the effort and discipline it takes to study a little everyday.) This depends on expected outcome of meeting of course. And this isn’t to say that rejection may not happen after an iPhone or app catalyzed meet-up. I am just trying to throw a perspective on how dependent we are becoming on these devices that literally keep our heads down. Perhaps it bottles up fear inside of us. Carl Jung: “The foundation of al mental illness is the avoidance of legitimate suffering.” In this case, rejection. I’m not saying that anyone who fears rejection or uses dating apps is insane. Especially in a location like the Bay Area where everyone has to grind and work so hard for modest housing accommodations. And when you compare the current trials of SF (pre big earthquake) to other problems of the world, legitimate suffering becomes a very relative term. Fun idea for sure, but it would be well for us to balance out our dating apps with more fearless approach to human communication in my young opinion. Does anyone else agree?

  4. John Caudy
    February 28, 2015 at 3:21 pm

    I think our generation is dealing with the possibility of rejection in intriguing ways. It is human nature to capitalize on what we can. I think capitalizing on humanity’s natural *fear of rejection* only pushes us farther away from evolving past said fear of rejection. I mean ya, it’s a good iDEA; it’s always easier to talk to someone you are attracted to if you “know” they think you’re attractive as well. I think that our generation should more so try using cues such as eye contact, body language etc. in addition to the good ole fashioned go-up-to-him/her-and-introduce-yourself. It would be a shame to see those communication skills dwindle in the wake of the demand for expensive gadgets. I think, in general, people within our age group (the so-called millennials) trick ourselves into seeking “easier” ways to do things without realizing that it may take more time, energy, and effort to depend on dating apps rather than more natural and organic forms of communication. (analogy: It may take more effort to cheat on a test than the effort and discipline it takes to study a little everyday.) This isn’t to say that rejection may not happen after an iPhone or app catalyzed meet-up. Just trying to throw a perspective on how dependent we are becoming on these devices that literally keep our heads down. Perhaps it bottles up fear inside of us. Carl Jung: “The foundation of all mental illness is the avoidance of legitimate suffering.” In this case, rejection. I am not saying those of us who fear rejection or use a dating app are insane. When you compare the current trials of SF (pre big earthquake) to other problems of the world, legitimate suffering becomes a very relative term. Fun idea for sure, but it would be well for us to balance out our dating apps with more fearless approach to human communication in my young opinion. Does anyone else agree?

  5. RealSanFracisco
    March 3, 2015 at 5:58 pm

    HOW ABOUT YOU JUST CONNECT WITH HIM/HER. jesus.