Choose Your CityColumnsNew YorkSan Francisco

Ask A Grown Up: Chills, Texts & Lady Masturbation

Sign up for the best newsletter EVER!

Broke-Asses, tell me – do you have time for a quickie today? Great! Me, too! Here are three questions with quick answers that range in topic from female masturbation -to- what to do if it’s too cold in your office. Enjoy!

Girls-Mastrubation-how-why

L.G. in New York, asks: “Grown Up – my boss keeps my office so cold that it’s like working in a walk-in freezer. And, she seems really sensitive about it. My co-workers and I have to wear thick sweaters and fingerless gloves at work, it’s ridiculous! How can I get her to turn up the temperature without pissing her off?”

Well, L.G. – I’d say that the first step to fixing your problem is to find out if your boss actually controls the temp in your office. In a lot of office buildings the temperature isn’t controlled in the office, but is controlled by operations or maintenance. The reason that your boss seems so sensitive about this issue, could be that people have been hounding her to turn up the heat for a long time, but she has been unable to get the problem solved and she is frustrated. I would start with a simple “Hey, Boss Lady – I’m really cold in here… Is there anything we can do about that, or is this a building wide problem?”

I find that in 99% of work place problem scenarios that just being honest, straightforward and not dramatic gets the problem solved.

If it is, indeed, that she likes the office to be the temperature of a walk-in freezer, then you have two options: Change the temp yourself on the thermostat or by calling operations and asking them to raise the temp in your office. Or, (the smarter of the two,) suck it up and buy a cute Snuggie ™ to match your office decor. Not pissing off the boss is key to retaining employment. Good luck!

will-u-go-out-width-me-text

Gal in San Francisco, asks: “Grown Up, I have been seeing this guy whom I met online for about a month now. He’s a techie but very sweet and chivalrous, you almost wouldn’t notice the nerdy side of him most of time. What DO I notice is he doesn’t pick up the phone to call me unless I ask him to do so. We didn’t talk at all last week until we met up on Saturday evening for a date. He started by asking how my week had gone – I slightly stumbled on that for a second and felt awkward, because I was scratching my head to remember what the hell I did last week. I got a sense of disconnect with him, but we weren’t alone so I didn’t express my true thoughts about his lack of communication. This is the second week that I am noticed this happen, that he doesn’t pick up the damn phone and call me! I don’t want to come across as controlling or nagging, but how do I communicate to a new guy without suffocating him?

Gal, have you heard the saying “men are from Mars, women are from Venus?” It’s pretty true: Men and women communicate in different ways, for different reasons. If you understand that basic difference – that men use communication to solve a problem or communicate a specific message, and that women use communication to gauge how they are feeling and to increase intimacy – then that will take the sting out of your new BF’s lack of texting or calling. Though, I’d say that in general, in 2015, most guys know that it’s pretty important to their lady friends that they pick up the phone and call at least once every few days to see how she is doing. If your guy isn’t communicating in a way that feels good to you, it’s best to let him know now so he can either adjust or let you know why/how he communicates.

My advice is to just tell him what your needs are: Do it in private, do it in a way that doesn’t involve anger or heightened emotions. Maybe when you guys are alone, just chilling – start a conversation by saying “Hey – can I tell you about some stuff that’s important to me in a relationship? Also, I really want to know what is important to you in a relationship, too.” Encourage a dialog – that will help avoid it feeling like you’re correcting him or nagging him. And, if he communicates needs to you, be open to what he’s saying and make the effort to really absorb that information and try to meet his needs as a sign of good faith.

Keep in mind, if you clearly communicate your needs to him and he doesn’t respond or make an effort to meet those needs, he might not be as into you as you are into him. It’s a harsh truth, but one better learned early on in a relationship so that you can cut and run, as opposed to settling for someone who isn’t awesome for you. Good luck!

carrie-mastrubate-sex-in-the-city

Finally, A.M. in San Francisco asks: “Do women masturbate? If so, how and why?”

Oh, come on A.M. – you live in San Francisco and you’re really asking this question?!?

YES. Women masturbate. Are you kidding? Of course they do! There is an entire, 15 billion dollar industry devoted to promoting female masturbation that is based in San Francisco, for crying out loud!

Among the benefits of masturbation women include relieving stress and pain, becoming comfortable with their own body and multiple orgasms as the top reasons why they rub their little pink happy button. Historically, vibrators were created as a medical tool to help women relieve the mysterious psychological condition of “hysteria.” Truthfully, women mostly masturbate for the same reasons men do: IT FUCKING FEELS GREAT!

Also, masturbation is sometimes safer and less complicated than having sex with someone. (Plus, you know you will actually get off, which is something that not all men know how to help their woman achieve.)

As, to the how: There are as many different ways for a lady to get herself off as there are types of snowflakes. It’s all about individual preference. Some people stay simple and just use their fingers, some like a stimulation by penetration with a vibrating toy, some use household objects, some masturbate simply by stimulating their breasts or other parts of their bodies… and, some women can cause themselves to orgasm simply by thinking about it. (Respect to the Jedi Mind Trick Chick masturbators, that is some mad skill!)

A.M. – any woman who says they don’t masturbate is a lying liar face and you should steer clear of them. Period, end of story. Thanks for the question, hope this clears it up!

[Girls and Sex in The City photos courtesy of HBO.com]

[Funny text photo via LOLTexts.com]

Got a problem you need a grown up to help you with? Email Kate at askagrownupkate@gmail.com and your query might be used in an upcoming column.

Like this article? Make sure to sign up for our mailing list so you never miss a goddamn thing!
Previous post

BAS Pride 2015: Pullin' Pork Happy Hour Wed. 6/24 & FREE Tickets to Pound Puppy Pride!

Next post

Meet Eryn Kimura: A 5th Generation San Franciscan


Kate Rice - Supposed Grown Up

Kate Rice - Supposed Grown Up

Kate Rice is a freelance writer whose work has appeared on DollyMix (UK), BitchBuzz (UK), Broke Ass Stuart’s Goddamn Website, the Chicago RedEye, ChicagoNow, Wired: GeekMom, Bleeding Cool, Wizard World Digital, The Beat and GeekNation, where she also hosted the weekly podcast “ComixChix.” Kate has appeared on Good Morning America, WGN Radio and a slew of geek related podcasts. She writes the daily blog The Adorkable Grrl. Kate lives in LA with her #BritishHusband, her daughter, and dog Max. Follow her on Twitter @AdorkableGrrl or on Facebook or on Instagram @TheAdorkableGrrl