10. Cupcake

He told me his dreams of becoming an astronaut.  In college he used to feed me mud pies, and chase me around Fisherman’s Wharf.

9. Chuckles

Contrary to his name, my beloved Chuckles never laughed. In fact he was so morose he had to paint his smile on.

8. Rockso

Dr. Rockso was my Podiatrist for 3 months. He had the voice of an angel and loved floor drugs.

7. Jo Jo

Illustration by Kathy Wormhoudt

This one is dead now

6. Daisy

Daisy was a philanthropist who loved working with birds. He wrecked me.

6. Binky

I have to say it. Huge Dong.  One day in the fountain at Justin Herman Plaza he showed the world, and for once no one was laughing.

5. Boom Boom

Boom Boom used to eat aluminum cans and keep reptiles in his car.  I would find him under furniture or inside of air vents in the morning. I don’t think I’ve ever fallen so hard for someone.

4. Slappy

I used to paint pictures of Slappy in my dream journal, then one night he just showed up with all of his pet rats. I don’t remember the sex, I just know it was good

3. Ronald

 I met Ronald at the premier for the movie Steel Magnolias. He was a feeder: the plumper I got, the more he liked me.

2. Bonzo

We would make love on top of a mountain of balloon animals & cotton candy.  One day a circus monkey bit off his nose, and he never clowned again.

1. Donald

I met Donald back when he got rejected from clown school, he had the hair for it but not the charisma.  Now he gets lots of laughs on tv.  Worst sex ever though,  you think he’s selfish in life, you should see him in bed.  I hope he never comes back to San Francisco

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