ComedyFinanceSex and Dating

5 Fun Date Ideas to Distract You From Your Crippling Student Debt

Sign up for the best newsletter EVER!

by Ben Mangelsdorf

In case you were wondering, college has been going amazing. I definitely spent the first two years of the best four years of my life contemplating whether life was truly worth living, but I’ve gotten past that and have developed a strong sense of apathy and disregard for most aspects of existence. Also, I’m tired all of the time and my back hurts. I’m pretty sure I’m 22 going on 80. 

You whippersnappers feeling lit?

If you’re anything like me, you distract yourself from your physical and existential pains with relationships with other people. We are only young for so long, and soon enough we will no longer want to look at other humans because of how they remind us of our own disgusting and dying flesh… so why not hang out now, I say!

Some of the most special moments we can share are with that special someone, so I thought it was only right to share some of my favorite date spots that I use to distract myself from the most crushing fact of all: that I will be literally in debt until old, old age. 

Antique Mall

While it may not have the glitz and glamor of the regular mall (what spells out romance more than food court Panda Express?), antique malls have plenty to offer for a fun night out with your boo/bae.

Antique malls are, in my eyes, a perfect first date spot. There’s plenty of space to walk around and avoid the debilitating awkwardness of eye contact, plus there’s endless conversation starters that range from singing M&M-branded piggy banks to kinda racist old American memorabilia.

No one actually likes small talking with someone they just met off Tinder who they are mildly worried may be a serial killer, so lighten the mood and check out some items that may have been owned by someone who was actually a serial killer.

The best part about an antique mall is that most of the stuff there is very cheap! With so many items that cost less than $10 you can pick yourself (or your date) a nice gift without even worrying about contributing to the insurmountable pile of debt that you owe to your university, parents and/or banks. Perfect!

A Peaceful Nighttime Walk

Okay, this one is definitely NOT meant for a first date. While it may be tempting to stay in and watch the entirety The Office for a fifth time and marvel at how you no longer find any of the jokes funny, there’s an entire beautiful world out there to explore.

Depending on where you live, wandering around aimlessly at night can be a little sketchy, but if you feel confident to do so it can actually be pretty relaxing and a nice way to connect with your partner. Bask in the sublimity of darkness and silence, enjoy nature and you’ll find that you didn’t even think once about how you aren’t gonna be able to afford a down payment on a house because of your continual payments on your student loans. But that’s okay, because you can think about that later, right?

Haunted House/Corn Maze

Going to a haunted spot with your partner will make you feel like a kid again, plus the adrenaline is probably good for your sex life or something, I don’t know. It can be fun to go with your partner and either protect them/hide behind them, depending on your scaredy-cat levels.

Haunted houses are cool, as are corn mazes. This choice is really up to you, depending on how cold your autumn season is and how spooked you are by enclosed spaces/corn. Also, there’s very little time to consider the fact that you will never be truly financially independent when you’re being chased by a chainsaw-wielding maniac. 


What I like about karaoke is that it’s really hard to take yourself seriously during it (unless you’re an insufferable prick, that is).

There are plenty of bars out there offering good karaoke. Go out with your partner, have a few drinks if that’s your thing, inevitably watch some guy sing Bohemian Rhapsody or Piano Man, laugh a little, and then get up on stage and find a duet for the two of you to kill!

You and your partner will leave in good (and probably inebriated, but hey) spirits, with the dread of your student loans not on your mind at all (ignoring the fact that it’s just laying latent to come up and fill you with anxiety later on). 

Wedding Crashing

Look, I’m gonna be honest, I have no idea if this is a real thing or not. But, in the event that it is real, it sounds like a really fun date idea. Get really dressed up, parade around as a couple, socialize with people that are too afraid to ask whether they know you or not, maybe even catch the bouquet and have an awkward “how serious are we?” conversation. 

On further consideration, seeing an event that successful adults spent a lot of money on that represents the next phase of their lives might actually get you to thinking about your student loans. Definitely worth it for the story, though.

Like this article? Make sure to sign up for our mailing list so you never miss a goddamn thing!
Previous post

How to Keep Your Office Job from Killing You

Next post

When the City You Love Doesn't Love You Back

Guest Writer

Guest Writer

We write for busboys, poets, social workers, students, artists, musicians, magicians, mathematicians, maniacs, yodelers and everyone else out there who wants to enjoy life not as a rich person, but as a real person. Namely, we write for you.

We’re currently looking to expand our author pool. If you’re snarky, know what’s happening in your town, and good at making your fingers type out funny words, then you might be just the person we’re looking for. Email with some writing samples if you're interested. Cheers