A Guide to the Epic Moon Show and an Ode to Bonnie Tyler

Once upon a time, was there light in your life, but now there’s only love in the dark? Well then, turn around, bright eyes. This is your night.

That’s right – it’s total eclipse time and I’m basically writing this as a means to force you to listen to Bonnie Tyler and come to terms with whatever is going on in this video.

First, the news: There will be a super blood moon with a total lunar eclipse visible on the West Coast. You may need a nap to “take it to the end of the line.” The eclipse event begins at 1:45 a.m. Wednesday morning and continues through to sunrise. The red tone (i.e., blood moon) makes its appearance at 2:45 a.m. Dubbed the flower moon, EarthSky reports that this will be the first total lunar eclipse since January 2019, which will be at full force for about 14 minutes and ends at 4:25 a.m.

At that point, the process will begin to slowly reverse. 

Back to Bonnie and the cocaine-fueled video masterpiece you know you’re thanking me for right now. Was it the culturally-insensitive ninja-ish figures or men in diapers convulsing about that racked up 3.5 million upvotes on this ‘80s interpretive dance? Will we ever know? 

What is obvious by way of this two-minutes-too-long video is teased-out Bonnie put in the work to drip Aqua Net down her powder pale cheek and look longingly past the excessively fanned curtains…because she needs you “now, tonight.”

Not to downplay the incredibly cool moon show, but I couldn’t not hear “Total Eclipse of the Heart” all damn day, and so now, so shall you.

To celebrate the super rare supermoon and eclipse, I propose two challenges: Either record your best Bonnie Tyler lip sync or karaoke video (duos encouraged) and tag us on the Broke-Ass Stuart Twitter account @BrokeAssStuart (Stuart will totally thank me later) and/or bust out that wireless speaker with Bonnie’s epic fist-pumping rock ballad at full volume at precisely 1:45 a.m., because your neighbors shouldn’t miss out on all the fun. 

Because “forever’s gonna start tonight…”

This may be the worst thing I’ve ever written, but I’m okay with it: “There’s nothing I can do, a total eclipse of the heart.”